New TV Shows

The writer's strike, which started in November of last year, has affected all the major TV networks. Fortunately there has been plenty of original programming on the Internet to keep couch potatoes like myself entertained. So, I started wondering, might this be my big chance to pitch a few shows to television producers. I mean come on, if NBC is going to bring back American Gladiators I should get a shot, no? Well, I would like to run my ideas by the discriminating taste of the writers, content producers and most importantly readers of AC. Of course, as a writer, I won't accept an offers until the strike had been settled.

Abandominium
The hour-long weekly drama is set in a condemned apartment building in Camden, New Jersey. The high-rise, assembled at the least possible cost by its greedy owners becomes the home to area (and visiting) addicts. An oncoming blizzard threatens the structure and its residents. However, when the storm passes the city decides to solve their homeless addicts problem by leaving the building standing. Various degrees of greed, lust, terror and murder are displayed by the ten permanent residents, all controlled by "Z" a former building manager and heroin abuser.

WNF
Soccer sensation David Beckham has tons of money, loads of press and a hot wife. Now all he needs is a forum. Following the Monday Night Football model of the 70's, ABC (which lost MNF) could bring us Wednesday Night Futbol (WNF). The best soccer from around the world with three witty Hispanic broadcasters. Sure most people wont be able to follow the analysis (or the game) but since Americans don't really like soccer anyway the show could be pitched to the ever increasing immigrant community. A long shot? Maybe, but MNF struggled too.

Straight Eye For The Queer Guy
If Senator Larry Craig taught us anything it is that even in the 21^st Century it still isn't cool to be thought of as gay. Thousands of athletes, entertainers and politicians remain closeted. However, they have press agents, managers and money to hide their secrets. What is the average "dl" working stiff (no pun intended, well maybe a little pun) to do when the boss invites him to the football game? Do you really want to blow that promotion because your idea of an "end-zone" celebration isn't quite right. Enter a team of straight manly men to toughen up the apartment, the wardrobe and the language. Who knows they may even turn some of the guys out (or in, or straight).

Sub-prime
Sure the housing market is in the skids and people are losing the homes. What a great vehicle for a new game show that gives contestants a chance at their neighbor's house. Hey better a friend than the bank or sheriff, right? The contestant that provides the most dirt on the people down the street takes home the house. Cruel? Maybe. Rating grabber? Definitely.

Eminent Domain
Since rival shows are all the rage, why wait until Sub-prime is popular before we duplicate it. A slight twist would have contestants plead their case before a town council who would then decide whether to "Let Them Stay" or "Take It Away". The show could be sponsored by commercial real estate developers. Picture it, at the end of each show Donald Trump drops by and says, "YOU'RE EVICTED!"

Drinking With the Stars
Who wouldn't like a chance to hang with Mel Gibson, David Hasselhoff, Lindsay Lohan or Brittney Spears. Five contestants will have 5 weeks paired up with notorious Hollywood boozers. Each week a panel of recovered alcoholics will decide who stays on, until one team is awarded the Dean Martin Wine and Roses Trophy and a free night at a sleazy dive chosen by the audience who will text in local gin mills

Adam & Steve
It may be too hot for the networks but Logo, which unceremoniously canceled it most successful show Noahs Arc, may want to take a chance on this half-hour sitcom which looks at the ends hilarious daily life of the first married gay couple in Eden, Oregon.

This Week with New York
She's nasty, she sexy and she's smart. Okay, she really isn't smart, but when VH-1 TV star New York sits down on this weekly political talk show you know the hard questions are going to be asked. Couldn't you see New York asking Senator John McCain or Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi how they like to "freak" on election day. Politics will never be the same.

CrossHairs
These days you can't tell Crossfire host Hannity from Combs. Maybe that is why the political vanguard Crossfire seams more like a political love fest. Fear not, on CrossHairs we are sure that or hosts, the foul-mouthed Lesbian Sandra Bernhard and Jesus loving conservative Pat Robertson will keep the insults flying and the audience glued to the TV. Grab a drink and a bible and stay tuned.

America's Next Top Legislator
Forget about caucuses, straw pols, political experience and elections. There is already more money in politics than Hollywood, so why not choose our pols the way we choose our models, with simple tasks, photo-shoots and yes, the catwalk. Ten would be legislators live together and compete for a Senate seat. Could we do any worse?

CSI: Philly
Horatio has put so many drug traffickers, wife-killers and foreign nationals in jail that Miami is actually a nice place to live again. So it only seems fitting that he and his team would be transfered to America latest hot-bed of crime and degradation-- Philadelphia. Once Horatio starts locking in, the city of brotherly love will never be the same. Thank God.

Project Living
What Martha Stewart has done for the middle American suburban home, Ray-Ray Stewart will now do for one bedroom apartments in America's projects. Luckily for us that Martha didn't have a great legal team and ended up in the slammer. Once Ray-Ray read about Martha hooking up cells an idea was born. Now America can join Ray-Ray weekly as he transforms Section 8 cribs into Home & Garden feature stories. You won't want to miss the premier when Ray-Ray creates a decorative remote control holder from a hanger and unpaid cable bills.

Cooking with Ali
Sure Rachel Ray is hot but could she last 30 minutes in a war zone? Ali el Kabal offers cooking tips once only available in the middle east. Credentials? You try and cook for a family of 4 when your wife Fatima has gained her rights, evening call to prayer is in 10 minutes and there are American Forces fighting Al Qaeda outside your kitchen window. This young Jihadist puts a whole new spin on cooking under fire.

Chasing Virgins
The Brady Bunch were never so much fun. Check out this family of 12 and see what happens when a Jewish mother with five girls from one of New York's wealthiest families marries a Arab immigrant from Turkey with five boys. Khalid and Myrna balance religion, a cab company/jewelry store and love while trying to keep their sons out of HAMAS and their daughters out of Macy's.

If there are any producer out there I am willing to tweak these to fit local standards of decency, NOT.