New Word Order

Have you ever struggled to find the right word to make a point? Most of the time, it's on the tip of your tongue but it
just won't materialize. Have you found yourself settling for an adequate word when you know you could have done much better? Here is a suggestion - no, a challenge. When you find yourself in a situation in which you can't find the appropriate word, or you are tempted to surrender to the same old tired words everyone else is using, try inventing your own.

Now before you start screaming and resisting change, give it a try. Begin by coining a word that applies to a situation encountered in every day life, such as something that defies description, annoys you, or is so mundane it usually passes without notice. For example, have you ever met someone that has a habit of working puns into daily conversation? The type of person who sees you staring at your desk calendar contemplating future vacation time and says, "You seem to be in a days."

You can retort with the outdated, "That's so funny, I forgot to laugh," or "I know you are, but what am I?" Or you can seize this opportunity to coin a word by telling the culprit to "Quit puntificating." See it isn't that hard. You will have used fewer words to make a point, and you will be amazed at the limitless possibilities of language. However, once you start thinking in this mode, it can be a never-ending process. It is difficult to turn off this method of thought, as the following list of coined words demonstrates:

Puntificate - To use puns habitually and unnecessarily in daily conversation.

Cell Phony - A person who talks loudly on their cell phone in public places, as if to say
"Look at me! I know people!" Also, a person who uses their cell phone at inappropriate moments such as on city buses, in public restrooms, in movie theaters, in libraries, at funerals, or while jogging.

Regurgitape - To remake a popular song in which the finished product is worse than the original
recording or just the same, so that nothing new or fresh is brought to the interpretation.

Catch Phase - The period of time it takes for a catchphrase to run its course. For example,
the time it took for "Not," "My bad," "Sweeeeet," and "Psyche" to lose their novelty and relevance.

Elevetiquette - Elevator manners. For example, proper elevetiquette would include not
cutting in front of those waiting for an elevator when it opens and no cell phone usage.

Elenvader - A person who doesn't follow Elevetiquette. For example, someone who rushes
up to an opening elevator door and cuts in front of a group of people who have been waiting
patiently, then boards the elevator ahead of them.

Dumb Waiter - Someone who pushes an elevator button after it has already been pushed, as
if it will make the elevator arrive faster. Also known as a Dumb Button.

Insignity - ( in-sign-itty) Tendency for posting signs or warnings that state the obvious. For
example, "Employees must wash hands before leaving the restroom," "No spitting on the
floor," and "Not for internal use" on bottles of suntan lotion.

Noncents - Prices used by retailers to give the impression that you are paying less. For
example, $25.99 to give the illusion that you are not actually paying $26.00 plus tax.

Imperfraction - A mythical amount used by gas station proprietors to convince patrons that
they are paying less for gas. For example, $2.55 9/10 per gallon.

Cheer Pressure- The burden of feeling obligated to applaud a performance or event whether
you are impressed or not because everyone around you is applauding.

Costaphobic - Possessing a fear of arriving at the checkout counter, or receiving the bill at a
restaurant and not having enough money to pay for your purchase.

Bumper Snicker - A bumper sticker that may cause a giggle only the first time you see it. For
example, "My child beats up your honor roll child for his milk money at Pauley Shore
Middle School."

Bummer Sticker - A bumper sticker that becomes annoying after you see it on thousands of
cars long after the Bumper Snicker period has expired. For example, "My daughter and my
money go to the El Paso University of Beauty."

Gradlock - The traffic tie-up around high schools as student drivers and adult commuters
converge on their drive home.

Phraseout - When a catchphrase has lost its popularity even though a handful of people try
to keep it in circulation. For example, "Psyche!" "Not!" "My bad."

Cool Zone - The fine line just before the end of a school zone where you can start driving
fast again without getting a ticket.

Internot - An inferior Internet service provider, on which you have trouble when trying to sign on or get disconnected repeatedly, even though the service charges a higher rate than more dependable Internet services.

Signull - To make a lane change without using a turn signal.

Noprah - Someone who refuses to watch day time talk shows.

Mesk - An untidy or cluttered work area.

Luckadaisical - The condition of having good luck without even trying or putting forth any effort.

Screensavor - To be so enamored with your computer wallpaper that you keep it forever on
your home and office computer.

Screensavior - Jesus or any other Deity themed computer wallpaper

Floortation - The moral dilemma or temptation one undergoes when trying to decide whether to eat a piece
of food they have dropped on the floor.

Graffeeti - Footprints tracked across a clean or wet floor or surface.

AggresSUV - (uh-gress-you-vee) The tendency to drive as if you are invincible, or the king
of the road when behind the wheel of a sports utility vehicle.

See how easy it is. The next time you are at a loss for words, or you just aren't satisfied with
the words at your disposal, create one to address the situation. It's not difficult. It doesn't have
to be humorous like puns are supposed to be. It just needs to capture what you are trying to
say. You may even hear it spoken by others in normal conversation someday and you can
take pride knowing you contributed to the language.