New Year, New You, Gets Me Every Time

They started before the left over Thanksgiving turkey had a chance to congeal in the fridge. Before the shortening days of fall had adjusted my circadian rhythm, telling my internal clock that it was time to rest up. Even before I had switched to my winter pants, yes pants.

I could hear them as the fridge door came shut during a commercial break... "Order your Abdominator 5000 today for only three easy payments of $19.99." As I grabbed a bag of Orville's Butterlicous Popcorn out of the microwave, "Why put off the 'new you' until next year? Just take two pills...."

Really, in November? I remember when my mom and her friends would talk about losing a little of their winter fluff in late February, "I simply must get back into my shorts." What had started with the necessity getting back into last year's clothes, had somehow evolved into a million dollar machine. Everybody is pushing to get a piece of that fitness pie. I think even Santa's elves are cashing in by working part time at Wal Mart, because if you checked on Christmas Eve, the aisles and end-caps of that mega mart were filled with last minute gift ideas, but somehow magically they switched to jump ropes and yoga mats by the morning of the 26th.

Can I get a show of hands of how many of you have an abandoned elliptical machine now serving as a clothes hanging station in your spare bedroom because you bought into this post holiday fervor? They get us every year with that new must have weight loss gimmick and yet we gladly return annually in hopes of finding that magic elixir.

Don't get me wrong, I understand capitalism and everyone's aim to cash in on our desire to make amends for our holiday indulgence, but the massive psychologically based commercial attacks are getting a bit much for me to take. It is natural to put on a little weight during the winter months, right?

The human species has had centuries of conditioning that tell us to build our reserves and seek more rest as the cold and wintery months approach. Ancestrally those that did not heed this warning to insulate for winter risked exposing themselves to illnesses and possibly even death from pneumonia.... at least that is what I tell myself.

You see there is a little secret I probably haven't shared with you. I am yo-yo dieter and exerciser extraordinaire. I have been on and off that wagons so many times that the wheels are getting wobbly. My long founded bought with the winter weight loss roller coaster makes Oprah Winfrey look like the picture of consistency.

It is with that struggle in mind that I can no longer take the indictment by the sleek and slender, demanding that I should change my evil ways. I really do not need some well oiled Adonis, fresh from finishing a 30 minute workout, telling me this is the year that we make the "new" me. Come on he isn't even breathing hard.

Our growing nation does need to get focused on our collective health or lack thereof. Each generation is getting exponentially bigger; this is a trend that must be reversed. My beef is with the commercial and almost subliminal way this need is fed to us at possibly our weakest time.

The ad guys know that we buy into that dream, which is what makes them big bucks. That is also what keeps me on the yo-yo. Set a goal that is unreachable, work, fail, quit, repeat.

The possibility of molding myself into a Greek god has long passed, if it was ever there. This year I am going to take a more rational approach to improving my health and well being. Instead of setting my sights on running a marathon, I will try to walk five times a week. Instead of completely giving up carbs, I will try to cut out late night snacks. Instead of giving away my winter pants, you know the ones that are a couple inches bigger than my summer ones; I am going to keep them, because nothing kills your will to be healthy quicker than tight pants.