New Year's Resolutions: The Annual List of Things that I'll Probably End Up Not Doing

Well, it's that time of year again. Time to come up with a list of things I'll be doing for the next three to four days until reality sets in again and I'm back to my old self. You guessed it... it's New Year's Resolutions time!

This year I've decided to come up with resolutions in five different areas: Health, Finance, Fears, Work, and Family.

Health
Just about everybody has some resolution about eating healthier or losing weight. I have one friend on the ancient Caveman Diet, and another on the modern South Beach Diet. I've decided to split the difference and go with the Medieval Diet. I'll be eating nine-day-old peas porridge (hot of course) out of a cast iron cauldron. I'll down that with a refreshing glass of ice cold water loaded with the freshest bubonic plague. For dessert I'll have turnips a la peasant... which means raw and unwashed turnips. Yum! I figure between the dysentery and the vomiting I'll be off ten pounds in no time!

Finance
I have got to stop spending the weekly paycheck at the Family Dollar. I've had a nasty generic ramen noodle habit since college and this is the year I get that monkey off of my back. I mean it. I'm not buying that monkey any more food. Also, no more super-sizing. From now on it's large size meals only. And no more impulse buys at the grocery store. I'll just have to get my celebrity gossip and alien conspiracy theories on the Internet.

Fears
We all have irrational fears that we deal with. Some of us are afraid of flying, or public speaking. I'm afraid of rubber pants. I know, it's silly, but the things freak me out. The noise they make when you walk in them is just... ech. So it's rubber pants at least once a week for me until I'm over it. While I'm on fears (and hopefully if the wife is reading) I'm going to tackle my fear of loafing on the couch on Saturday, waking up from a three hour nap to ask my wife why she turned off the Top Gear marathon that I was clearly watching. OK, I might have dozed off for a bit, but I was clearly listening to it. How long was I out anyway? Is it still Saturday?

Family
Family Game Night is a great way to bond with loved ones while competing to see who the most loved one is. Every Tuesday we'll start with a rousing round of Five Finger Fillet. First person to lose a finger has to host next week's festivities.

Work
This year I'm going to meet all of my deadlines (I'm submitting this article with exactly three and a half minutes to spare), and triple check all of my writing for any speling or grammer ishews. I'll proofread and rewrite until I'm sure that everything is finished well and nothing is left incomplete or

Here's to resolutions. Have a happy and healthy 2011!