New Years Resolutions for Heather B. Armstrong

I've been reading your blog for about a month now, and I have to admit it: I'm hooked. Since you leave your entire life out in the open, I thought I'd send you some suggestions toward a New Year's resolution:

1. Get a cat.
Let's face it: the pictures of Chuck getting harassed by noodles is getting old. If you had a cat, at least you'd have something for him to attack that can bite back.

2. Build a site dedicated to Brittney Spears.
I personally think shye's the wost thing to happen to popular music since Debbie Gibson (who, by the way, has reformed into a fairly respectable singing actor these days.) On the other hand, considering that your mother has considered disowning you if you mention the pop Divette on national television, it would be all the more hilarious if you were to post an antire site dedicated to her. And her ex husband.

3. Interview George Hinkley.
I'll admit it: I'm fascinated by the LDS. I love the idea that a 90-year-old man from Salt Lake City can run an organization of polygamists right under your nose. You haven't even called him, have you? Sent him an e-mail? Unless you've promised your father you'd never go afte4r this guy, then you really should try it.

4. Dedicate an entire week of your blog to your babysitter.

A few weeks ago you mentioned her for the first time. I have two questions for you, though: a) if you're really a stay-at-home mom, why do you need a babysitter? B) she mentioned putting up a blog herself. Is it going to happen?

5. Interview Neil LaBute
Most people know Neil LaBute as the film-maker who made In the Company of Men. I know him as a playwright with one of the strongest contemporary voices in America. He was also kicked out of the LDS a few years ago. I'm sure you could share lots of stories about stakes, presidents, and apostles that none of the rest of us could possibly comprehend. It'd be entertaining, though!

6. Franchise a doll set of your whole family.
I can see it now: you, Jon, Leta, and Chuck, all with Mattel stickers posted right where your butts are supposed to be! They'd be a great his for tech geeks and writers.

7. Run for Mayor of Salt Lake City.
If anyone can make changes to the Whitest and Most Conservative state in the Union, Heather, it should be you! If they let Arnold Schwarzenegger run California for six years, they can give you Utah for a little while at least.

8. Invite Awesome Zara to a battle of wits.
Zara has a huge following on MySpace, but I doubt either of you have met. Your styles are totally different, both in content and in tone, certainly. I would liken your meeting to that of, say, Dorothy Parker and H.D. never meeting, even though they were living in the same town. (I don'tknow if they ever were, but you two have the internet!)

9. Campaign against Martha Stewart.

This is simply because I hate her. It has nothing at all to do with you, and I will totally admit to that. Still, my suggestion stands.

10. Write Leta a letter per week; publish in hard copy.

Among the most touching of your entries are your open letters to Leta. As she grows you could easily archive every one of these that you write, then publish them as separate journals. They'd definitely give people something else to smile about.

Peace.