New Year's Resolutions for a Tea Party Activist
Goals for 2010: A Teabag in Every Pot
To give up ANY government-run socialized services- Medicare, roads and bridges and airports, the postal service, public schools, police and fire departments, broadcast radio and television.
To refuse all government subsidies- the mortgage interest deduction, personal deduction, business deduction, charitable deductions. Taxi and train and bus and highway travel.
To ask myself, before any major decisions, What Would Sarah Do? Then quit your job, hire someone to write a book with your name on it, split up your political party.
To find a meaningless distraction whenever anyone asks a tough question. What? Look over there! Miss California!....a golfer ran into a hydrant!...eight babies!...Michael Jackson!
To ask myself, when distractions don't work, What Would Glenn Beck Do? That's Right....Cry!
To go to a Town Hall Meeting. (What would Sarah Do? Oh yeah, bring a gun. Good idea!)
To pose for a magazine cover (What would Sarah wear? Sexy shorts. Good idea!.....What would Levi wear? Nothing! Even better!)
To make thinly-veiled racist attacks. When they call you a racist you can accuse them of playing the race card!
To buy a book and wait in line for Sarah's signature. (What would Sarah Do? Skip town! Good idea!)
To oppose affordable universal health care, "Give me expensive wasteful private insurance, or give me death!"
To Support the Karzai regime...buy heroin.
To support international terrorism...buy foreign oil, buy diamonds, buy gold!
Published by Nolan O'Brian
Teacher, 30-year media professional, guitarist, storyteller, dad View profile
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6 Comments
Post a CommentGreat Political Satire! Thanks for sharing.
This is damn good satire Nolan - I do not agree with one single word of it, but kudos - it is clever. As for the satirical aspect, I wish I was like you. When a conservative like I do it I have to put a disclaimer on the end stating it is satire or I get raped as hateful, etc. I respect this funny treatise. Funny is funny, I don't care who ya are, and this is funny, so good on ya!
interesting.:o)
I like this humorous look at the partison situation that we have in this country today tearing us apart. I am a devout Christian, but I'm sort of apolitcal and middle of the road in my views. I just vote for who I think is the best person on the ballot. But you do need two opposing parties ruling the nation otherwise we'd have a dictatorship. I will say one thing for my Republican friends who oppose anykind of government program: I've never seen any of them refuse their social security checks when they came of age.
Clint. One Word: Satire.
Mr. O'Brian, you are absolutely correct. The state to which the government is active in our daily lives would surprise most. Point by point: Medicare - a financial nightmare that we can't fund to this day; roads & bridges - the tax that built and paid for the roads (gas tax) can't maintain those same roads; airports are a mess (have you flown lately); the post office is a model of government waste, private business does better for less and makes a profit; public schools, unless you live in TX private schools spend less per student and produce better results; police and fire departments are local and should stay that way; broadcast networks like NPR that can't fund their shows with advertising because no one listens to them. The list goes on and on and on ... Taxes? Why do we need over 6000 pages to define our tax code? We could do it in one. A flat tax with four brackets (my compromise). Yes we do need a national government, remember the Articles of Confederation failed. Speaking of fa