News Flash! Bat Canary's Secret Identity Revealed!

Okay, lately there has been a movement on AC, as I'm sure you've noticed. It is a movement away from the delightfully silly pen names we've come up with toward names that sound more plausible and, sigh, professional, even if they are not actually our real names. This is how Greenhill became Abby Greenhill, Justice Lives Not became Mike Hatz, and jp sixbear became Jaipi Sixbear.

I was a holdout, relishing my anonymity and my fetching Bat Canary costume, but I did not fail to notice that I never got those neat partner calls that my buddy Linda Louise Johnson has been racking up, and the Distribution option never paid off, because the Powers That Be are apparently a bunch of cheerless bastards who want to maintain a semblance of credibility for some reason. So, even though I was scared of losing my hard-earned reputation as Snark Goddess, Keeper of Silly Holidays and Observer of Dumb Stuff (not to mention the wonderful citations of me as a writer they like in prior interviews and articles by such outstanding AC writers as Jennifer Wagner, Maria Roth and the aforementioned Mr. Hatz), I have decided to change my nom de plume to something that has a better chance of sucking up more moola.

So, without further kerfuffle, meet Ali Canary. Ali is my real, actual name, so my real, actual friends don't have to be paranoid about accidentally leaving it in the comments section. Egad, what freedom! How liberating! As for Canary, well, I do have to consider Mr. Canary's personal privacy, and to be honest, I still like the costume an awful lot. Those of you who have come to appreciate my insouciant writing style have nothing to fear: I promise to be just as stoopid as usual (I'm even considering adding a third "o" to really emphasize it), except when I'm writing about erudite stuff like the Histories of Herodotus (hey, I've got to have at least one clip I can show for serious gigs, and who doesn't like being able to recycle those college term papers?).

I am really tired of banging on about myself at this point, but I'm trying to get up to the 400 words it takes for AC to let you read this masterpiece, so presuming you're even still reading (surely I have to be on the second page by now!), here are some interesting facts about me (okay, I guess I'm not tired): I was not raised by wolves, but I am currently owned by two kitty cats; my art degree uniquely qualifies me to always do the lettering for any poster needed at my various jobs and volunteer gigs; I will start a diet and exercise plan tomorrow; I am lying about the diet and exercise, but the plan part is absolutely true; and I just realized I've gone over 400 words, so thank you for sticking around for the tiresome filler, presuming you did. Love ya!