News Flash: Health Care Reform DOA. John Edwards Goes Haiti. Tiger Woods Sex Addict

(Washington, D.C.) The upset election of Republican Scott Brown to fill the Senate seat of the late Ted Kennedy has left Senate Democrats and the Obama White House scrambling to rescue health care reform. However, White House Spokesmen Robert "Bob" Gibbs was firm in the White House position. "The outcome of Massachusetts is not going to stop the President from pursuing health care reform. Has the political environment changed? To use the metaphor of weather; or let's be more specific, global warming, can we change something that is already at a point of crisis? Can we do that by just putting on some extra sunscreen or buying more Bermuda shorts? No, we....oh I got nothing."

(Sacramento-CA) Former Ebay CEO Meg Whitman leads in the race for the Republican primary slot to run for California governor, a recent poll showed. Whitman used the wealth she amassed during her time as Ebay's CEO to finance her bid to succeed Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, who can't run again because of term limits. Whitman has criticized Schwarzenegger's decision of a temporary tax increase to balance the state's $20 billion dollar deficit. If elected, Whitman instead would opt to increase job creation by lowering taxes and offering many of the state's national monuments and parks on Ebay for the "But it now" option.

(Port-au-Prince-Haiti) Former Presidential candidate and husband of the year John Edwards went to the earthquake shattered country of Haiti with a group of 25 people, including doctors, to "help in whatever we can", which was the statement released by the Edwards' group. Edwards vehemently denied that the trip was an attempt to soften the blow that came from his admission earlier this week that he was the father of the two-year-old daughter of his mistress Rielle Hunter. Edwards said that his schedule unexpectedly opened up when a party he was supposed to attend at the Playboy mansion was postponed.

(Hattiesburg-MS) John Edwards of the PGA tour Tiger Woods has reportedly entered the Pine Grove Behavioral Health And Addiction Clinic, which specializes in sexual addiction. Woods is reported to have had as many as 18 mistresses. According to the British newspaper "The Sun", Woods' wife Elin Nordegren planned to visit him this week. The paper's account says to keep the media away Nordegren was going to use her twin sister, Josefin, to take the couple's two children to SeaWorld as a distraction. However, the plan fell through when minutes before the planned subterfuge Josefin was alleged to have said to her sister, "Me and Tiger...funny story there...."

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