News from Hollyweird

Ashley Simpson has named her newborn child "Bronx Mowgli Simpson". Uh-huh, I think there's gonna be a therapist in this kid's future.

At least Lindsay Lohan didn't say "Negro president".

Prince said that gay marriage is wrong because God says it is. Really? I hate bigots who use the Bible as a "how-to" manual on how to drive wedges between people. It's ironic that a musician who constructed and successfully marketed an androgynous persona throughout his entire career is preaching intolerance. Maybe Prince needs to get out more, But then, if he did, the F-word would be the last thing the silly purple-clad bastard heard before somebody broke a bottle over his head.

Huh? River Phoenix's brother is retiring from acting? Who?

Stephen Baldwin is still an idiot. Canada's gain is America's pain in the ass.

Remember all of those crazed women who went to see Sex in The City? I'll bet you that all of the crazed teenage girls who are standing in long lines with hardcover tear-stained copies of Stephanie Meyer's wretched novels cradled lovingly in their arms while waiting to see the wretched movie adaption of Twilight are their daughters.

I can imagine countless sci-fi geeks sitting in peep show booths obsessively watching the trailer of the upcoming "Star Trek" movie over and over again. It's not a pretty sight.

Whitney Houston has a new CD coming out. Good luck, Whitney. For every boozy, crackhead burnout like Amy Winehouse, there's a back-from-the-abyss success story like Robert Downey, Jr. so there's hope for Whitney. Looking back on Ms. Houston's career, it's incredible seeing how far she'd fallen. How do you go from being an award-winning singer and Hollywood actress to a reality TV show has-been? Luckily, while that doofus Bobby isn't there anymore, Whitney's talent is, and that is what's gonna save her. Hopefully.

Jen, Jen, Jen. You need help. Change your meds, see a shrink, go find a priest and get an exorcism or something because you're one step away from channeling Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction.