NFC Championship 2008: Packers Will Lose

It's Brooklyn Tony over here, gettin' up off the couch for a little bit so's I can give youse beautiful people the inside dope on a certain playoff game comin' up between my Giants and some mooks from Wisconsin.

Now, as yez know, the Giants of New York, which they actually play in Jersey, but who cares because it's not like you're gettin' your mail there or nothin', tuned up the Dallas Cowboys recently. Yeah, they gave those horse-ridin' humps a nice beatin', and I seen the whole thing, except for like 20 minutes in the third quarter when I was somewhere else in the house that got a bathroom, 'scuse my language.

Anyhow, we gave this Dallas a nice little taste, just like I predicted to my friend, Rocco the Dirtbag, who had a different opinion about the proceedings, which he could now proceed to stick where the sun don't shine. So the next stop is Green Bay, where we're gonna straighten them out.

Naturally, you're thinkin', "Ohh! This guy's bats, what does he know? Why don't he pick Green Bay? In fact, why don't he shut the hell up?"

Ok, why.

Because it's gonna snow like the freakin' end of the world, that's why, which is perfect for the Giants. You see, comin' from New York, the Giants don't worry about little things like a messy field and visibility so low you couldn't see a meatball hero if you was holdin' it. Just gettin' to the airport is like an Olympic event, forgetaboutit. So a little snow, it ain't time for an SOS.

In New York when it snows, we don't got them nice shiny snow blowers and them little tractors where you ride around all day and push the snow into nice little piles, and then go down the diner and talk about it for the next 5 hours. Nah, we got garbage trucks, which we put a nice flat, rusty piece of metal on the front., chains on the tires, and then we push the snow and half the asphalt on the street onto the sidewalk. Then, the people see the snow, and they don't wanna get a ticket for obstreperatin' the sidewalk, so they throw it back in the street. This goes on for a while, and pretty soon, you got a slushy, snowy, gray mess of crap. You gotta walk through this to get to work, and on your first step, you sink in up to your knees and then you say your favorite really bad words out loud.

What, Lambeau Field is worse than this?

Also, in New York we don't go around with these wool hats and long johns and Russian fur things like in Green Bay. The Giants will be showin' up at the line of scrimmage with their arms uncovered and all inked up with personal messages that if the Packers on the other side were to read, they might come across their mother's name.

Not for nuthin', but where I come from in Brooklyn, we got a bunch of degenerates called the Polar Bears who get up every New Year's Day and jump in the freakin' ocean for fun. In Green Bay, they spend the day drinkin' the hot milk that was left over from New Year's Eve.

This thing's gonna be easy. Eli's gonna throw a coupla bombs, the defensive line is gonna give Pops Favre a few trips to the turf, and bada-beep, that's it.

You got yez pencils? Write it down--Giants 27 Pack 10. Which then they could go back to cuttin' cheese, or whatever they do, and we go the Super Bowl, where we plant our nice, filthy size 14s on the Patriots nice, clean record.

God Bless.