NFL: What's Wrong with the New Orleans Saints?

I am a fan of the New Orleans Saints. I will always be a fan of the New Orleans Saints. Because I am a fan, and have been a fan, the shock of what the Saints have done this NFL season really isn't that big of a deal to me. I mean, I'm use to wearing the bag on my head, strutting around with my Deuce jersey, talking about how we are still the only city in the world that hosts Mardi Gras. Yeah, baby! So what if we can't win a football game? We still have the coolest looking uniforms in the league - - ask anybody!

But, I have to admit that I do feel bad for Drew Brees, and Reggie Bush, and Deuce McCallister, and the Saints coach, Sean Payton. I feel bad because their problems have nothing to do with their talent as players or as a coach and everything to do with their attitude.

They're trying to hard. That's why they're failing. They can't take the pressure. They're pushing harder and harder in their games and because of that, they are failing miserably. Their attitude is just too sunny and too happy and too "hey, there isn't a problem here, dudes! We're still all good!"

Now, before you say, "Hey, D.S.! What the hell! They're just not a good team!" Think about the play-calling in their past few games. They get a fourth and one in their own territory against the Tennessee Titans on Monday night and what do they do? Brees and Payton call a home-run, touchdown, no way in hell you really believe your going to get this, shot down the field to Marques Colston.

Yeah, that will work. Let's not make a wide whole with our full-back and just get the one yard so that we can keep the drive going.

Why in the world did Brees and Payton call that play? Because they're pushing baby - - like crack rock on the corner down the street from that apartment I used to hang out in with wifey way back in the day.

Pushing, baby - - it never works.

The Denver Broncos did the same thing their first year after John Elway retired. They pushed their way to an 0 - 4 start. They didn't make the playoffs. Everybody was after Shanahan's head. People were calling Brian Greise a drunk - - okay, maybe that part was true.

But, the real reason they didn't make the playoffs wasn't because Greise was/is a drunk and fell over Terrelle Davis's dog while leaving Terrelle's house one night, poop-faced, and smelling like rot-gut whiskey. I don't even think that incident happened in the same year - - did it?

No, the real reason the Broncos didn't make the playoffs that year was because they were pushing. Just pushing too hard - - and convincing themselves that everything was okay.

"I know we got the right group of guys," Brees said after the Saints loss, their third straight in the game versus Tennessee. "That's what you want. Everybody is taking this hard."

What the Saint's need isn't positivity. They need hatred. They need fire and brimstone. They need that fat kid on that new CW show, Reaper, to come in and sleep around during practice and act like an ass. They need Terrelle Owens before Tony Romo.

Instead of quotes like the one Brees gave above, they need more like the one from former Saints coach Jim Mora, "Playoffs? Playoffs? Who's saying anything about playoffs? We just want to win a game!"

The Saints need the players to sleep with each other's wives, they need divorces, and burglary scandals, and dog-fights, and it wouldn't hurt to get a few members of the team suspended for steroids this year.

They need to get some dysfunction going, baby, because, I'm sorry, dudes, but this whole we all love each other function thing just isn't working.

The next time Reggie hits the wrong whole, Drew, just punch him in the face. Punch him hard - - with your throwing hand.

Yeah - - that'll work.