Nice Guys Finish Last, or so They Say

"God, you're right. Stop being a nice guy and become a real jerk. That's what the ladies want. Your life will be so much better. The bitterness in your heart will make everything sing with joy for you."

Please note the sarcasm in the above reply to the whining of "nice guys" everywhere. I'm extremely tired of hearing guys say they're tired of always being "the friend" because they're the "nice guy": that maybe they should become jerks so girls will like them better.

If you're guilty of saying this, read on. If you're not, read on anyways. Then you can impart this wisdom the next time you come across a pained mammal of the "nice guy" species.

If you're guilty:

First, let me smack you. Then, let me tell you that you're not alone. I've heard this all over the place and so often I'd like to next melt you all down and mold you into one uber big "nice guy" , so that I can reply to you all at once in hopes of ruining this phenomena that is obviously contributing to world suffering.

The reason for the quotation marks around "nice guy"is because the guys I hear this from label themselves this way. As if they're members of TNGC: The nice guy club. They wear the label on their sleeves, they put it all over their online profiles, they bring it up in conversations: "I'm a nice guy, right?" It is their banner and sometimes, it becomes so creepy you'd expect all of their possessions to be stamped "property of a nice guy"" and any girls they have managed to attract to be branded with the same.

*shivers

In my perceptions, I've noticed "nice guy" has become a catch all description for boring, DULL, DULL, DULL, pushover, whimpy, whiny, submissive, or needy... or dull.

If you're a member of the nice guy club and stop reading now, you're probably proving my point. Maybe truth hurts and you should suck it up. Maybe you should evaluate a few things about the way you approach women. Anything in your life that seems like a problem starts with YOU. In order to begin fixing it, you must be willing to face that fact.

Let's look a little closer about your number one complaint: women like bad boys. Well, maybe women like the gruffed up look. However, really women like EXCITEMENT. The same as you. If you're always there to be nice, lend a shoulder or ear, help them move, are you offering them excitement? No, you're offering to fill in whenever they need something they're not getting elsewhere. Imagine if you could offer them excitement AND do nice things for them.

Now, another tip: just because a girl takes you up on your offer to help doesn't mean she wants to do you. Stop assuming that your niceness will get you laid. If you don't assume you'll turn this girl's heart, you won't be disappointed when she doesn't fall into your arms. Most likely she never saw you that way to begin with. She saw you as a friend and that's that. A lot of times girls even tell guys OUTRIGHT that all they want is friendship from the get go, but guys still think their niceness will win the girl over and then feel jilted when it doesn't. And if you have such a problem with being friends, and you're not happy unless the girl is YOURS, then what separates you from the "jerks"?

Other than being nice, what do you offer a girl? Do you have things in common? If a girl is into dating men versus women, then she wants a MAN. In a man, she does not want someone that is a pushover or will wait on her hand and foot or take a bunch of crap. That doesn't mean she wants a jerk. It means she wants a person who cares about themselves as much as they care about her.

Think about the reasons you're attracted to a girl. She's exciting, she's fun, she's nice, she's INTERESTING. Well, chances are she's looking for someone interesting, too. And by interesting, I don't mean someone that tells her she's beautiful all the time. Sure, we like to hear that, but for god sakes, have something else to talk about as well.

Finally, the main reason for your poor luck in attracting women is not because you're nice. It's often because you're going after the wrong women. If this complaint stems from listening to girls whine about the jerks they're dating, you're listening to girls that have a problem anyways. They are dating jerks. That's their problem, not yours, and only something they can change. Girls who obviously like jerks are not going to like you. They have a little issue going on with needing to fulfill some self view and you're not going to fill that. You're right about that. However, don't generalize and say all that all girls want jerks. There is probably a girl that is just as steamed about you feeling that way as you are for girl with self love issues calling you a "friend". If the girls you're talking about are not whining about jerks, then you're probably infatuated with strong, independent, exciting females that have everything they need in themselves. Why would they be attracted to someone that offers them nothing but compliments and tries to wait on them all the time? That may interest them for a bit, but it gets old and you become a plaything to be tossed aside when they find a new sparkly.

When you come across as always saying "You're beautiful" and have nothing of substance to say, you come across as boring. When you always do nice things for a girl and let her walk all over you, you come across as a pushover. You come across as having no confidence and offering no excitement. I'm not saying you should stop being nice or offering a compliment every now and then. I'm saying you should have more to your personality than worshipping the girl you're after. I'm saying you should open your eyes and pay attention to who you're obsessing over. I am also saying that you should dig within and maybe spend some time getting to know yourself so you know what the wonderful things are that you can offer another person. Chances are you may get so busy enjoying yourself, you'll stop chasing after girls and attract one that's curious as to why you're so happy and why you're not paying attention to her. Better yet: you might actually attract a girl that matches who you really are, and that is most likely what you REALLY want rather than just any girl to fill your empty void.