Nick's Crispy Tacos in San Francisco, CA: A Restaurant Review

So I'm wandering down Polk Street on a nice sunny afternoon, on my way home from Something, wondering what I want to do for lunch. Then I notice Nick's Crispy Tacos. "Hey", I think, "I could go for a nice crispy fish taco, and I've never been to this place before."

I was expecting some sort of a taqueria from the name and exterior, but the interior is more of a proper restaurant. It looks kind of like a swanky hotel lounge from the early 1900s allowed to gently go to seed, mixed with furniture and decor from a Bennigan's. They've got a bar in the center of the dining room with all sorts of sports and whatnot on the tube, and around it are maybe 30 or so tables.

The trouble started with the ordering procedure, which is one of the most jacked-up I've ever seen. Even though it's a sit-down restaurant, and has waiters and waitresses, everyone has to line up at a little counter off to the right of the entrance to place their order. People dining in then go take a table, and people waiting for a take-out order have to cluster around uncomfortably in a tiny space where people are constantly lining up, coming out of line, going to and from the kitchen area, and going in and out of the front door.

So I decided to order a grilled fish burrito, along with one of their crispy tacos "Nick's way." Normally I'd expect a burrito and a taco to be done in no more than ten minutes tops, but considering it was a sit-down restaurant and fairly busy, I figured I'd give them fifteen minutes and walked over to the Walgreens across the street to pick up a few things. 15 minutes later I returned to the restaurant. There were a lot more people standing around near the entranceway waiting on take-out orders, which I noticed they were staging up behind the area where the cash register is. A waitress came out and was calling names for the orders though, so I figured these people must have phoned in their orders ahead of time. I waited for another ten minutes and the waitress didn't call my name, so I figured they were really just super backed up in the kitchen due to the late lunch crowd, and stepped out for another ten minutes. I came back to find yet another cluster of people waiting on orders ... all of whom got their orders called before me. So I wait a little longer, and it's now almost 45 minutes since I placed my order. My patience is now a little thin, but as politely as I can, I flag down the waitress who has been calling off people's names and ask her if she knows anything about where my order is at. So she goes back behind the counter, pulls a bag out from somewhere, and hands it to me. When I open it up, I notice the food is cold and soggy - it must have been sitting for at least 15 or 20 minutes.

I have no idea why they refused to check and see if the guy who had been standing around in their restaurant forever might be the one who had the order that had been sitting there for 20 minutes, but I'm not going to let a few irresponsible and dopey service kids necessarily give the restaurant as a whole a bad rap. It's tough to judge the food when it's soggy and cold, but I promise to do my best to be objective (and use my imagination to picture it warm and fresh.) Even so, what they give you is vastly overpriced for what it is. The fish burrito cost almost 8 bucks after tax. It wasn't particularly big, but not only that, whoever made it hadn't the first clue about how to make a burrito properly. Aside from being poorly wrapped, it was loaded with "healthy" vegetables ... that weren't strained properly first, so the bottom of the burrito was a sloshing mess of residual water from the veggies that dripped all over the place. They seem to feel that taking out all the stuff that makes a burrito appealing - the refried beans, the sour cream, the guacamole, etc. - and replacing it with "healthy" diced green veggies makes it worth the premium they charge. I certainly don't agree. The grilled whitefish they used was OK, but kind of bland and boring, with just some mild seasoning and no real distinguishable flavor. And then there's the crispy taco, which actually seemed like it would be pretty decent ... if it hadn't been cold. That one actually had plenty of cheese to spare, but otherwise was fairly standard. $3 for it was somewhat on the steep side given the size.

I'm glad Nick's doesn't have the grapes to call itself a "taqueria" or "Mexican restaurant", because it really isn't. The crowd that I saw at this place was straight Marina District, which is appropriate given that it is basically the Whiteyfied take on Mexican food for the Beemer-and-SUV set that's afraid to venture into the sorts of neighborhoods where real taquerias are found. If you think that your body is far too precious to put toxins such as refried beans and sour cream into it, this is the place for you. If you actually want some Mexican food that tastes good and is reasonably priced, look elsewhere. And if you want to hook up with a yuppie, come down and stand in line for the Tuesday $2 taco nights, which have apparently become something of a mating ritual around here. Also be aware the place turns into a dance club about the time the sun goes down.