Nine Guidelines when Hosting a Foreign Student

My wife and I have hosted children eight times from either Korea or Belarus, and we even hosted an adult from France. We found that if we define the rules up front, the students will know what is expected and can plan accordingly. In general, a good rule of thumb is this: the fewer the surprises, the better.

These are some of the guidelines we've used. Some were put in place by the organizations through which the foreign students are matched with us, and some were put in place by us.

1. Share a bedroom: If at all possible, pair up the student with one of your own children so that they both share a bedroom. This almost seems contrary to what one might initially expect, but think about it this way. The more interaction that the student has with your child, the more welcome and comfortable the student will feel. More interaction also means more exposure to the language, which is almost always one of the goals for the student. There is a strong correlation between the student being alone and the student feeling homesick. If the student is sharing a bedroom, then he / she is less likely to spend time "hiding" in a corner and therefore is also less likely to feel homesick.

2. One meal fits all: The student should eat what the rest of the family eats. You do not want to get in the mode of having to cook and serve one meal for your family and then cook something else for the student. Besides creating a lot of additional work for you, it also creates an implicit wall that says, "I'm going to treat you differently than how I treat my own children." We try to provide a variety of food at the meal so that the student is likely to find something to eat. Last night, for example, we had tamales, spanish rice, and a cranberry orange salad. Our Korean student had a really tough time with the cranberries, but he loved the tamales and the rice.

That being said, we also try to cook dishes from the student's home country, and this helps the student feel welcome, but it also gives our children the opportunity to try new things. When the foreign student sees my kids eating new and exotic dishes, the student is encouraged to try new things too.

3. Bed time: Be firm about bed time and the time to wake up in the morning. Having a well defined schedule will help offset inertia -- that is, it will force the student to get some needed sleep as well as to get up in the morning and start with the daily activities. Be consistent but reasonable too, taking into consideration your own children. If the student is thirteen years old and your child is ten, you shouldn't expect them to go to bed at the same time.

4. TV and Computer: Be firm about television and computer time. We try to keep both to a minimum. Establish the limits up front. Can the student be on the computer one hour per week or one hour per day? What about the internet? In the program through which we are matched with Korean students, the students are told by the program director that they can be on the internet for one hour per week, and the only email that they are allowed to send is to their parents. That approach works well for us.

5.Chores: The student needs to do household chores along with the rest of the children. You probably will need to show the student what's expected. For example, when you sweep, how do you like it done. Should they do the area around the table or the whole kitchen, or the hallway, or the stairs? If your children wash their own laundry (mine do), teach the student how to wash laundry as well. If the children participate in cooking and preparing meals, have the student join in. The student may even be able to cook some meals from his own country for you.

The first time we hosted a boy from Belarus, he refused to go out in the garden and help my wife pull weeds and pick vegetables. Apparently he was from a family where the males did not participate in gardening. But when he saw me (the dad) helping in the garden too, he was willing to step in and lend a hand.

6.Safety 1: A rule that is designed to protect both the student and the parents is this: If the student is female, she is not to be alone with the male parent. We have that rule in place with the Korean program, and it's a safeguard so that any awkward or potentially compromising situations can be avoided.

7.Safety 2: If the student is to be driven anywhere, one of the parents must do the driving. Again, this is just a safety thing. My oldest daughter has her drivers license, but the Korean program will not allow her to drive our Korean students. Yes this does sound strict, but it puts the foreign student's parents at ease.

8.Activities: If possible, get the foreign student involved in some of the activities that your own children enjoy. My two oldest kids go to a weekly guitar club at church, and our Korean student has started attending with them and is beginning to play guitar. The student has also joined the church handbell choir in which one of my children plays.

9.Like one of your own: This almost goes without saying, but as much as possible just treat the foreign student as though he / she is one of your own children. The student will appreciate it, the children will appreciate it, and a special bond is likely to develop between the visiting student and the whole family.

We have thoroughly enjoyed getting to know several children from foreign countries. It's been educational for us, as well as an opportunity to gain lifelong friends. With these guidelines in place, it makes the whole experience more enjoyable for everyone.