Nine Worst Halloween-Party Costume Ideas

Halloween parties are a great place to meet people, have a good time, and vomit on interesting items. Just don't choose any of these costumes, or someone's going to hit you in the face with a plate of nachos.

9. Sexy Devil

Women are legally bound to only buy costumes with the "sexy" prefix, and while the devil is certainly hot (get it?), this costume has a tail. Long tails will be stepped on at parties, and the se costumes aren't made of the strongest materials. Yo ur costume will become "Sexy devil with no ass" before you can tell everyone to go to hell. You're better off trying for "sexy cat", "sexy angel," "sexy nun," or "sexy sexy." I have no idea what the last one is. You may just end up naked.

8. Pirate

You're going to have to do that accent the whole night, and the parrot's going to keep falling off, plus some girl is going to scream when she mishears your invitation to "swab the deck". Plus, there's going to be about four or five other pirates around, and you may find yourself in a contest to see who's the most pirate-y, and it won't be you because the only contact you've ever had with water was when your uncle Steve tried to show you how to swim by throwing you into a pool when you were four.

By the way, you should maybe see a psychiatrist about that.

7. Keg

Sounds funny, but it's not a great idea. People are going to keep trying to tap you. The y may joke about what beer you contain. Some will begin to get drunk. They will get angry when you say you're a keg of Budweiser rather than their favorite beer, which will be Coors Light. They will keep drinking. They will keep trying to tap you. Eventually, they will become infuriated when you don't spit beer into their cups. You will be punched.

6. Pimp

Wow, you're a pimp! How inventive! Did you know that nobody has actually thought of that before? The originality of your costume is so thick it's actually con densing and forming little puddles at your feet!

Oh, you've got an impression of a pimp! Let me see it! Wow, that's racist! That would have been so funny if this was 1993 and Snoop Dogg never existed! What's that? Your girlfriend says she's your ho? Wow, you guys never stop, do you!

What? You mean she's not your girlfriend? Oh, I see, she's actually a prostitute? Because nobody at the party wants to talk to you? Fascinating.

Hey, I'm going to go get some chips.

5. Sports Mascot

Actually, anything that's already a costume probably shouldn't be considered as a costume.

If you're that into sports, just dress up as a baseball player, the n disappear halfway through the party and return as Jaded Baseball Player on Steroids. Have fun wit h it. S tuf your shirt with pillows, take a swing at the guy playing the music, and pantomime a drug-induced heart attack. You won't be invited to the next party, but people won't stop talking about you for minutes, maybe even hours.

4. Gorilla

If vaudeville comedians have taught us one thing, it's that men in gorilla suits are frequently con fused with actual gorillas. Oh, sure, you'll be the life of the party, but then you'll go to the kitchen and a real gorilla will come in. In no time, he'll tarnish your reputation by grunting and ripping the arms off the host (party foul, as they say), and by the time animal control gets there, they'll sedate you (since your zipper became stuck earlier in the night) while the animal leaves with your girlfriend. This kind of thing happens every day. Don't become a statistic, people.

3. Army Dude

People will keep asking you all nig ht if you're really in the army, and you'll have to sheepishly admit that you're not all night. If this costume involves a gun, someone will probably try to start up a debate with you about the war, too. Also, you're going to be the closest thing to a cop in the room, except for the woman dressed up as Sexy Cop, and nobody's going to want to talk to you. You'll end up hanging out by the fish tank, pretending like fish interest you and praying for someone to invite you to do shots.

2. Bumblebee

It bothers me when I see a woman dressed up as a bumble bee because I immediately think of that Blind Melon video wit h the fat little girl running around in the field. That video scarred my memory and gave me nightmares. Too surreal. I saw something of myself in that fat little bumblebee. Please, don't make me go back to that place.

1. "I'm going as myself!"

Everybody here hates you.