"Ninja Warrior" on G4: Even Better Than Classic "American Gladiators"

I used to love watching "American Gladiators" every Saturday morning in the late 1980s. I had a huge crush on Nitro. Weren't those female-bodybuilder Gladiators terrifying? My favorite events were Joust, the human hamster-ball, and The Eliminator-the brutal obstacle course at the end of every show. Take The Eliminator, make it about a thousand times tougher, subtract the steroid-swollen Gladiators, and add some swamp water, and you've got the unbelievable Japanese obstacle course competition called "Sasuke" in Japanese, or "Ninja Warrior" on American television.

"Ninja Warrior" airs on G4 weeknights at 6:30 PM ET. Right now you can catch the latest episodes of "Ninja Warrior," featuring the twenty-first Sasuke/Ninja Warrior tournament. The Ninja Warrior competition draws male and female athletes from around the world to "Mount Midoriyama,"* Japan, twice a year for the chance to become the next "Ninja Warrior." G4's "Ninja Warrior" shows are attracting a wide American audience, as well.

In ten years, only two men have ever earned the elusive "Ninja Warrior" title. To achieve "total victory," Ninja Warrior competitors must complete four grueling stages. (Stages one through three are revamped regularly. When you watch older "Ninja Warrior" shows, you will see events no longer featured in the newer shows.) 100 competitors-ranging from Olympic athletes to monks to firefighters to gas station managers to Japanese comedians-attempt the first stage, one by one. Competitors are eliminated whenever any part of their body touches the murky water below the obstacles (most go down with a splash!), or when they run out of time. It is not unusual for three or less, out of the original 100 competitors, to make it all the way to the third or fourth stage. Most of the time, no one makes it to the fourth stage!

I'd love to take you through the most recent Ninja Warrior competition, including some of the announcer's translated commentary (italicized below). That guy kills me. Remember to read the subtitles when you watch the show; that's half the fun.

Ninja Warrior Stage One Obstacles

"Can Mr. Trampoline do it?"

Ninja Warrior competitors have 120 seconds to conquer all eight of these obstacles. Keep in mind, the vast majority of Ninja Warrior-hopefuls won't make it past the first four:

1) Sextuple Step-"This finely coiled specimen of a human being can jump 3 feet straight into the air!"

2) Log Grip-"Those orange pants, now so familiar, are the trademark of the heroic firefighter..."

3) Pole Maze-"He's throwing his large body boldly across the Pole Maze!"

4) Jumping Spider-"He looks more like a flying bat than a human being!"

5) Half-pipe Attack-"The rope in his hands looks as natural as a knife and fork in the hands of another!"

6) Warped Wall-"This young man can run straight up a 13-foot wall!"

7) Flying Chute

8) Rope Ladder

Press the red button before time runs out!

Click here to watch a high-quality clip from "Ninja Warrior" on G4, with subtitles. These three guys, unfortunately, did not make it to Stage Two of Ninja Warrior. The last competitor in the clip makes it to the fifth obstacle mentioned above (and his hair looks really good, too).

Ninja Warrior Stage Two Obstacles

"He is Mr. Handball."

Ninja Warrior competitors have 80 seconds to show off their exceptional agility, speed, and upper-body strength in the following events:

1) Downhill Jump

2) Salmon Ladder

3) Swing Ladder

4) Metal Spin

5) Wall Lift

Click here to watch some recent American competitors in action. The second and third clips feature Levi Meeuwenberg and Brian Orosco's short-lived Stage Two Ninja Warrior runs. Anyone in search of a good torture device? The Ninja Warrior "Salmon Ladder" is the answer to your prayers!

Past American Ninja Warrior competitors include Olympic gymnasts Morgan and Paul Hamm. And, no, neither of them made it to the final stage. Click here to watch Paul Hamm attempt an earlier (easier) version of Stage Two, followed by Ninja Warrior All-Star, Makoto Nagano.

Ninja Warrior Stage Three Obstacles

"In the fading twilight of Midoriyama, Nagano's star once again shines brightly."

Stage Three requires Herculean arm-strength and stamina. Ninja Warrior competitors-the few who make it this far-can take all the time they need to conquer the following obstacles:

1) Arm Rings

2) Globe Grasp-"As he twists each globe in his strong grip, a creaking, complaining sound rings out."

3) Devil Steps-"To climb up these steps is to overcome the surging advance of lactic acid in the arms."

4) Cliff Hanger

5) Jumping Bars

6) Ascending Climb

7) Spider Flip

8) Gliding Ring

Click here to watch Levi Meeuwenberg's Stage Three attempt in Sasuke 20.

To watch an edited, low-quality and un-subtitled, video of Makoto Nagano's flawless run two years ago, making him the most recent Ninja Warrior champion, click here. As you can see, Stage Four is no big deal (ha!).

Ninja Warrior Stage Four (Final Stage)

Scale a 25-meter (82-foot) tower and press the little red button on the platform at the very top in under 30 seconds. "Spider-climb" straight up the first 15 meters, and then climb 10 meters of rope. Now you understand why "total victory" is so rare in the Ninja Warrior competition!

Think you have what it takes to become the next Ninja Warrior? Stay tuned for G4's next American Ninja Challenge. Submit video footage of yourself proving why you deserve a shot in the next Ninja Warrior/Sasuke competition, and maybe enough people will vote to send you to Japan. (I will not be submitting footage of myself failing to progress from the first to the second monkey bar on my son's elementary school playground, complaining, "This hurts my hands!" Maybe next year.)

Watch "Ninja Warrior" on G4 tonight! This show is incredibly entertaining for the whole family. My kids love the antics of some of the crazy competitors, and we all admire the skill and strength of the Ninja Warrior All-Stars. It's exciting to see more Americans competing in Ninja Warrior.

Who will become the next Ninja Warrior? Not me!

*I found out that Mount Midoriyama, according to this article, is not a real mountain, but rather the expansive backyard of Tokyo Broadcasting System's studio in Yokohama, Japan. So that's why I couldn't find it on a map!

Sources:

Personal experience watching past episodes of "Ninja Warrior"

" "Sasuke 21, Parts 1-5" " Ninja Warrior. G4. Nov. 2008.

I viewed all of the following websites on November 21, 2008:

http://ninjawarriorreview.blogspot.com/2008/06/ninja-warrior-review-sasuke-12-episode_07.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sasuke_(TV_series)

http://www.g4tv.com/ninjawarrior/ninja_list.aspx

http://ninjawarriortv.com/sasuke-ninja-warrior-competition-secrets-revealed

http://www.yikers.com/video_ninja_warrior_obstacle_course.html

http://www.g4tv.com/ninjawarrior/videos/25922/American_Ninja_Levi_Battles_Stage_3.html

http://www.g4tv.com/ninjawarrior/videos/16706/Ninja_Warrior_Paul_Hamm.html?videoCategory_key=33

http://www.g4tv.com/ninjawarrior/index.html

http://www.hulu.com/watch/14265/ninja-warrior-ninja-warrior-two-splash-too-soon