Nip / Tuck Season Two End Will Save My Relationship

Nip / Tuck season two comes to a close with all the guest stars and plot twists you have come to expect from this highly acclaimed show. Guest stars Joan Rivers (as Herself) and Alec Baldwin playing Billy Baldwin (as Dr. Barett Moore). Just to recap Ava is a man, Troy got faced, and Adrian is killed by the sound of stabbing.

This is all good well and fine in answering questions about plot and character, but I have one question which is more important that all: When is it not OK to masturbate during Nip / Tuck?

I know you do it because I watch you...

I started watching the show because people wouldn't leave me alone about it. Then I started watching it alone which lead to flogging the dolphin, but it didn't stop there. With no commercials and surgery in between the in contract Dr. Troy minimal one fuck per episode I have to keep myself up or I'll loose it. So I just kept going during the surgery.

I didn't think anything of it until I heard, "scar tissue" and got a half chub. There was also the incident where I picked the wrong channel and ended up spanking to the discovery channel for twenty minutes. I was horrified to learn it wasn't Nip / Tuck because this meant that I had missed half the episode.

I now tape surgery and watch Nip / Tuck. My love life is also being affected by this new problem. My girlfriend expressed a desire to get a boob job, I can't think of a better way to spend a scholarship. I was excited not because this meant bigger fun bags for me, but that I might get to watch.

When I asked if they would let me watch I got the "we need to talk look." She brought up her displeasure with my new sexual drive. I would quote directly, but I don't listen to her much I think it went, "Were not doing it with the fucking surgical scrubs anymore."

I shot back with my Churchill wit, "I'm not doing it with your fat ass any more. Why not have them pump your gut into your chest and recycle." Now that the show is over for the winter break I am hoping I can recover and get my life back to the way it was.

After much thought I have decided that these are signs of an addict and I should check myself into a television recovery clinic. Since I just made that up there is little help for me beyond knowing that it is not OK to buff the general during the entire episode.

I...I ran out of terms for masturbation.

This break should help me recover and get back to a more natural sexual drive. If not then I guess I'll just have to find a woman who can understand my deep attraction to

Rhinoplasty.