No Child Support? Do NOT Send Him to Jail

Besides Gerald Levert's song "Funny," I didn't know much about the Levert family. When I heard the news about Sean Levert dying in prison, for some insane reason, I assumed he was already in prison when it happened. I had no idea that he'd just gone to prison for not paying child support. Then sadness swept in. That's a helluva way to go, and I wish that there was an alternative for men who will not pay child support. I know I'm going to piss off some women when I say this, but I absolutely do not agree with the idea of sending a man to prison for not paying child support.

First of all, ladies, stop acting like you just heard the news yesterday that you can get pregnant from having unprotected sex. I'm so tired of women with a billion kids complaining about deadbeat dads. Close your legs. Invest money in birth control. Go to free clinics to get condoms such as HIV/AIDS organizations like BEHIV or Planned Parenthood. It is one thing to be in a monogamous relationship with a man, you two have discussed children, and have discussed sexual protection, and then the sexual protection doesn't work. But the risks with condoms, birth control shots, and birth control pills are plainly stated. Word to the wise: Don't have sex with anyone that you don't consider parent material. Isn't there something wrong with the lackadaiscal attitude of women who say things like, "I want to be his baby's momma" without the possibility of wanting to be a potential interest's wife or girlfriend? Why have we, as women, become so content just popping out kids with no mutual emotional connection. Woman up! Wisen up!

However, I want to make one thing clear. I completely sympathize with women who have gone about their sexual lives with responsibility. It is a harsh reality for a woman to be in love with a man who she knew was mutually in love with her, discuss the issue of children, and then he suddenly changes his mind after you're pregnant and he bails. Should you suddenly stop wanting to be a mother because he doesn't want to be a father? Should you not have the child because he doesn't want the child? Now if a man left in the middle of being a responsible father, this is completely different. He backed out. He's wrong. That's not fair to you or the child, but I still don't think sending him to prison will help anything.

When making the decision to have a child, ladies, did you take a look around you at all the other bitter women who have children that they did not want and are complaining about the men who helped make them but refused to get abortions or use sexual protection? It's the women who take birth control like it's spoiled candy that bother me. If you know you're not being responsible with your own body, why would you expect the guy to? Female condoms are sold in stores worldwide. No excuses. Stop expecting the man to have protection and then being hesitant to ask him to use it. You have to carry that baby for nine months, not him. More than likely, you will be responsible for raising that child if he bails. Not him. So think seriously about who you're having sex with before you do. And I know there are women who are against abortion, although I am not one of them regardless of never having an abortion, but if you know that you cannot take care of this child and your chances aren't looking too good with the guy you laid down with being a responsible father, why would you want to bring a child into this world with that type of pressure on you, the child, and him? It's not fair to any of you.

Second of all, if this guy asked you to get an abortion from the very beginning, why would you expect him to suddenly become responsible? An elementary school associate of mine had unprotected sex with a guy she was dating, and beforehand, she would complain about how he didn't take care of the son he had before she met him. Why would she have sex with a man who she can clearly see is not being a good father already? Another person I was close friends with was involved with a deadbeat father to her own child. Do you think that stopped her from having sex with him again even while the child was still not being taken care of? Nope! She didn't learn a thing. I've met women who would try to send a man to prison just for cheating on them, moving on to a new relationship, or taking car of their current children. These actions are not only childish, but they're counterproductive. Do I support taking him to court for child support? Yes. Just like you knew there was a possiblity to become pregnant, he did too, and he should have also been responsible. But incarceration? No.

Excluding Sean Levert's situation (because I don't know about the relationship he had with the mother of his children), how does sending any man to prison for not paying child support help the situation? If he could not or refused to pay child support before, do you believe a prison record is going to make him attractive to future employers? In addition to that, now he can't even participate in his child's life because he's in prison. The news has stated that Sean Levert already had health issues before he went to prison. How do we know that some of his money was not tied up in taking care of his health issues? The government already has a third of Black men in jail, and numbers are still rising thanks to former president Bill Clinton signing documentation that crack receives more time than cocaine. I wish Clinton would've signed paperwork to put more jobs into the community instead of locking up those within the community trying to make money by any means necessary. Must we send more men to prison because they won't play Super Dad? I'd be more inclined to be sympathetic if these deadbeat dads were all past responsible husbands or in long-term relationships with some of these women, but that's not the way I usually see it. On a recent AC board, one woman ranted about how she has four children and none of the fathers are taking care of their kids. Why would you have three more? Did you have amnesia with the first set of drama?

It may take two people to make one baby, but there's only one person who will carry this baby to term, have the option of keeping this baby, and most likely will be the one to take care of the baby. Ladies, you cannot make a man love you or anyone else. You cannot make a man be responsible. You also cannot make a man suddenly want to become reliable by sending him into a facility that makes him feel less than human. Take care of self. Use protection every time. Make him use protection every time until you are both sure that you want a child. Even without the unwanted children, ladies, you are still susceptible to sexually transmitted diseases, and life is far too precious to gamble with your own body. Better yet, don't gamble with someone else's body: your future child's.