No Circus Required for Meaningful Funeral Service

Recently, I read about a Canadian family that rented an elephant to say goodbye to a loved one at a funeral service. While the appearance of a real, live elephant brought laughter from friends and was fitting for a man who often shared a circus story, you don't need a circus to create a meaningful farewell.

What do you need for meaningful, personal funeral service?

You only need to go as far as a loved one's life story and personal favorites. To capture a loved one's personality, it doesn't take a fortune. Instead, it takes personal involvement.

Start by focusing on a life story. No matter a decedent's age, everyone has a life story. As I've conducted services for people who were 99-years-old; I've also conducted services for stillborn babies. I find everyone has a story to share.

You may be wondering - there's a life story for a stillborn baby? Yes, absolutely.

For those services, I sit with grieving parents and we go through the pregnancy month-by-month as we relive plans for the baby and parental dreams for his or her future. It's a helpful healing process to have someone who is willing to listen to parents as they talk about every detail of the pregnancy. Oftentimes, Celebrants become invisible in the process as parents remember the first ultrasound or the first movements.

No matter who passes away, the loss is real and tears will be expected. But, after an hour or so, smiles also mix into the tears. Memories, hopes and dreams soak into the conversation as we remember what happened in the time we had with loved ones.

One of the most important things I think adults can do is to verbalize their wishes while they're alive.

The basics are the most important. Do you want to be cremated or buried? If you want to be buried, where do you want to be buried?

But, reaching beyond those basics and planning into the actual funeral service that shares your final message, your input will be profound. There will be no guessing games.

My sister, who knew she was dying of cancer, chose her own casket and burial location. She also videotaped her final farewell. That videotape of her final words was played at her funeral service and it was amazing. As a high school teacher, she created a legacy advising her students to: "Find out what your mission is and get it done."

Taking that one step further, I don't think we're far off from seeing a business that offers talking 3D holographic videos of the deceased that will appear on-stage during the funeral service. It will happen. If not during my lifetime, holographic videos will be offered during my sons' lifetimes.

Everyone has the ability to choose what life stories are shared to say goodbye. It's important to talk with your family, even if in a joking manner, to tell them which special, memorable stories you want to have shared at your funeral service. Verbalizing your vision helps your family make decisions, instead of questioning constantly, "Would Grandpa like this?" or "What would she think of this plan?"

Music is also an incredible component in funeral service. Especially when it's the decedent's favorite music, nothing is inappropriate. The songs that we've played in some of the services I've conducted over the last three years have been incredible. Some of the songs have brought tears and others have resulted in laughter and smiles. No matter what, the poignancy remains in finding that special song that reflects a life story or was actually requested by the deceased. Don't leave your family members questioning, "Are you sure this was her favorite song?"

The bottom line: it doesn't take a circus or even a holographic image to create a meaningful farewell, because the decisions involved in funeral service are different for everyone. But, bringing death into the open and talking about it does help a family make final plans about disposition of the body, format of the funeral service, religious or non-religious choices, life stories, music and ceremony.

If you'd like to have a say in your own farewell, leave those wishes in writing with family members. If not, everything will be possible in decades to come and those decisions will belong to family members who are planning your funeral.

No matter what, it's best to speak up and speak out about your wishes or you may just have the circus you never expected...