"NO!" Dealing with Negativism: The Terrible Two's!

If your child is somewhere between fourteen and thirty months old … look out! Parents have passed on warnings of the 'terrible two's' for centuries, advice on what to do and how to brave the horrid elements those toddlers can dish out. The scientific name for the moody stage of development most call the 'terrible two's' is known as negativism and for good reason.

No is my middle name …

The worst thing about this stage of development is how a toddler learns to freely use the word 'no' at will. Every question a parent asks, the answer is 'NO!' It's not easy to repeatedly hear the word 'no' all day, most often parents become annoyed and desperate for a cup of patience.

WHY!

Toddlers are developing a strong sense of being a separate little person at this stage and begin to realize that they too have ideas, wants and new abilities. Since they've been on the planet for a while they've learned a few things, they want to build on the skills they've acquired and their world is still a small, small place.

Parents also recognize all the new skills their child is exhibiting and begin to set limits. Limits that don't sit very well in the mind of a developing fourteen to thirty month old and thus begins bitter frustration for all involved.

Coping

Parents can:

·Maintain reasonable limits: Maintaining reasonable limits is a must. If you're going to the store and your child refuses to keep the safety belt on in the car seat, refuse to move the car! There's no choice when it comes to safety or legality.

·Offer your child choices: Because this little person has a few ideas of his/her own it's up to parents to help their child use these skills wisely. Ask questions. At mealtime give the child options between milk or juice, at playtime show the child two shirts and allow the child to make a decision on which to wear. Think of other ways to help your child by offering choices.

·Avoid yes/no questions: If you give your child the chance to say no … he/she is gonna say it! Instead of saying, "Are you ready to go now?" just take charge and say, "It's time to go now."

·Prepare your child for changes: No one likes to stop what they're doing and toddlers are no different. If you're outside playing warn your child that it's almost time to go inside. Your child may be fussy, your child may even respond with 'no' but as this is practiced your child will adapt.

·Except 'no' as a response: Allow your child to say 'no' sometimes, expect it and respect this budding new person. Think of ways your child can say 'no'. Play a game, ask your child silly questions like, "Do pigs say 'Meow'?" and you can even find books with 'no' built into the story as a response that your child will love to scream.

·Be patient with your little adult: Let your child know that you understand the frustration he/she feels. Encourage your child in a loving way, respond to him/her calmly and get through this stage together. Your positive attitude will result in less stressful times in the end.

In the End

In essence a parent can expect a lot from their child's development and not all of those developmental stages will be quite as exciting as their first steps, first words or first trip to the potty. Some stages of development are down right aggravating but a parent should expect these times, deal with them times gracefully and take the good with the bad.

Parenting can be a real challenge and parents don't always know what to do, taking the time to learn is invaluable. Be constructive and reap the benefits of a smart, healthy child.