No Marriage is Without Its Beauties and Its Moments of Sheer Ugliness

Many of you have heard me say, as David was slipping away from life, and suffering so terribly, how difficult that was to see, hear and feel. As the weeks have gone by, I've had many hours to reflect on our 34 years together and realized that out of all that time, it was those last few weeks that gifted us both with the grace of love and forgiveness. For no marriage is without its beauties and its moments of sheer ugliness.

Over the years, those quiet resentments can cause serious harm to any marriage, no matter how much love is held between the both of you. And how difficult it is, in our busy, often overwhelming lives to stop and simply think about why your love is behaving the way they are. Instead, tired and often frazzled yourself, the natural tendency is to snap back, or get into a shouting match, feeling justified every moment it's happening.

I would give everything I own to turn back time and try and do it differently, but I can't. It took his suffering face and pain wracked body for me to let go of all that hurt and tell him how much I loved him, and how very sorry I was for any hurt I'd caused him.

Now, everytime someone hurts and angers me, I see that drawn face and hear his agonized cries and immediately realize here is the chance you asked for. And then forgiveness becomes so easy. His death was a gift in my own journey towards personal growth and maturity. I find I simply cannot let a day go by having hurt someone, without saying I'm sorry. That old instinctive rush to anger and judgement are still here, but now, with that beloved face ever present in my mind and heart, I just cannot sustain the impulse to lash out at those who hurt or anger me.

Now, I often wonder why this person said this, or did that, trying to see them as the frail human beings we all are beneath our skins. Instead of bitterness and hurt at this loss, there is an inner certainty things will be alright. That valuable lessons have been taught and absorbed the way they were meant to. Most of all that love is the greatest gift we can give ourselves and each other. That when we can liberate ourselves from the bondage of hate and resentment we radiate with the light of that release.

This Holiday season, it won't be the fanciest gifts or hottest toys that will matter most. It will be the acts of love, compassion and forgiveness, given freely from the heart. David thank you for the precious gift of your love, the joys and sorrows that created the tapestry of our marriage, and for the graces granted to me when you went Home.