No Matter How Slim I've Been

Since being nine months pregnant and feeling like an absolute cow, I've been a little obsessed with having the perfect body, particularly, a trim waist and a completely flat tummy. I put a lot of effort into eating right and exercising in order to lose the baby weight and get everything toned. I wanted to be impossibly skinny. So perfectly slim that I could wear anything and look devastatingly skinny from every angle. I know, I know-that's an unnecessary and over-the-top goal for any natural woman to have. But I also knew it was attainable, because there were women out there who had that sort of body. And since I knew about nutrition and exercise, I knew I could do it too.

What I didn't realize was how different was the image in my head based on the images of women's bodies our culture presents, and what such a body was actually like. There is a difference in how perfect the perfect body appears, and what it is really like. Know what? All of those models and fitness celebrities out there are SUCKING IT IN. They are! That doesn't mean their flat, skinny abs are fake. It just means that in order to present a tummy at its best, you suck it in all the time. It's actually a part of good posture as well as a good figure, and it works as a constant mini ab work-out to keep them strong and flat. Any good Pilates instructor will encourage you to keep your powerhouse form all of the time: belly held in and up, ribs down, shoulders down, butt tight, neutral spine. I spent months wishing my belly looked as good as those women in the pictures without me sucking it in, and then realized that they were sucking theirs in too. Which meant that I had reached my tummy goal.

And now that I feel like I have a figure worth being proud of, I am willing to give you the honest scoop about the "perfect" woman's body. What I've come to believe is the truth about most of the great bodies we see these days, at least the healthy ones. The things that I have not been able to do away with, no matter how slim I've been.

No matter how slim I've been:

•I still have cellulite (abs, butt, thighs, quads)

•My triceps still wobble if I wave to vigorously

•There are pants I won't wear because they give my belly a fat roll

•I have bra overhang

•I don't look at my stomach when I bend over or sit down-the body just naturally folds and pooches right there. I don't think you can be skinny enough to avoid that, or you shouldn't be. There are organs in there, after all. They have to go somewhere when you fold in half.

•There are outfits I won't wear because they make me look fat.

•There are outfits I shouldn't wear because they are too young and make me look silly.

•The juniors department clothes don't fit right.

•I think I should weigh less than I do.

•I never step on the scale.

•I subtract 12 lbs from what the scale says at the doctor's office because "I have all my clothes on."

•I only half-enjoy a tasty treat because I am stressing about burning off the calories.

•I have to talk myself down from a panic episode if I take a nap instead of working out ("Being well-rested boots your metabolism too!").

•I wonder if I'd be mad if my husband actually got into shape like I keep asking him to, because I wouldn't be "the skinny one" anymore and then I might not look as good next to him.

•I was thrilled when I cut my hair short because it made me look skinnier.

•I justify taking a long shopping trip by saying it's burning extra calories.

•There are mirrors I won't look at myself naked in. The lighting in the bathroom mirror makes me look fatter than less direct lighting in, say, the mirror in our bedroom. It's true. Muscle shows up when there's more shadow, and things seem to bulge in all the wrong places when there's too much direct light.

•I have "fat days."

•I have "Yay! I'm not fat!" days.

•My waistline grows and shrinks around holidays, vacations, and weeks where my daughter and I are both sick and I don't want to be bothered with meal planning so we eat Sonic every night.

Since getting skinny is easy to reverse, I'd also like to add that no matter how far away from my dream figure I get, just two weeks of sticking to nutritious eating and regular exercise makes a tremendous impact in how I look, and serves to get me back into the routine of maintaining the figure and healthy lifestyle I want.