No More Fears

I am sad... so sad that I can feel my eyes get misty. Sometimes when I'm alone, I can't help but contemplate what could've been? I made a grueling decision six months ago of whether I would remain in Ford or transfer to Ayala Land, Inc.

Automotive or real estate? After so much thought and prayers and inputs from my husband, I resolved to look for a greener pasture (as I believed) even with my fears. Fears of not having a sale, of not meeting the quota, fear of being in a new environment with people I barely knew.

I thought it would be easy. I have a nice sales background, being consistent top sales person in my previous company. I have a lot of clients. I have telemarketing skills I gained from my call center days. I thought I had it all to be successful in this field I am into now... but I was so wrong.

It didn't come easy as I had believed. I was filled with grief, frustrations, rejections, and all the negative feelings I could ever imagine. What is happening? I don't know either. I thought I did everything I need to do to make a sale; reporting for work everyday, flyering in the mall (yes, giving out flyers to shoppers), telemarketing, e-mail and text blasting, and praying... yet I didn't produce as expected.

I couldn't suppress the feeling of sadness that I had to let it out. Why am I so downcast? I don't want to question God, I have no right to do so. Faith is all I have. In the midst of the chaos in my sales career, I was humbled by God. I realized that all along, I depended on my own strength... I was proud of myself because of my achievements... and I asked God for forgiveness.

I recognized that it's not what I know and what I'm good at or even the number of my clients that I would be successful in this field. I am nothing without Christ. And I will not have anything without Him. I was humbled... In the past few months I didn't have my devotion, I skipped church services in favor of my work. Sometimes, my family time needs to be sacrificed.... And it hit me hard... "But seek first the kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." (Matthew 6:33, NIV)

Now, I just wait patiently in what God has prepared for me. I have faith that in all these trials, I will be victorious. God will bless me according to His riches and glory. I believe that my time will come - according to God's plan. No more tears, no more fears...