No More I Love You's on "The Real Housewives of New Jersey"

Remember in "Pulp Fiction" when Vincent and Jules have to get rid of a headless corpse and a bloody car, all before Jimmy's wife, Bonnie gets home? That little vignette, aptly named, "The Bonnie Situation," pretty well sums up the rumbling volcano that was bound to explode all over Kim G's pretty little head once Desperate Danielle discovered her new BFF had been consorting with the enemy. And it exploded, but good.

First though, we had to cringe as Teresa and Joe (well, mainly Teresa) planned an over-the-top spectacle for their daughter's christening. I've been to Italian celebrations and it is no joke the kind of party that goes on. A baby shower I once attended consisted of a head table, a five course meal and a sweets table. So, it was no surprise to see that Teresa wanted ice sculptures and had Marie Antoinette serving sushi. It was uncomfortable to watch Teresa and her "bitch," Christopher Manzo, plan a lavish affair while Joe kept wiping the sweat from his brow over what we now know to be the couple's financial troubles. Dina returns to fulfill her obligations as the baby's Godmother, while Caroline and Jacqueline are alternately wowed by the affair and emotional. Joe decides he wants to duck out before the bill comes and Teresa says this is their last christening. Well, at least their last party anyway.

We also had to contend with Desperate Danielle dragging her daughter Christine to the gynecologist for the first time. The trip was really nothing more than an excuse to needle Christine about her virginity and determine if she was "a good girl." Christine looks ready to punch Desperate Danielle in the mouth and tells her mom to "stop creeping." Even the nurse looks uncomfortable with Desperate Danielle's incessant questions about her daughter's sex life. The doctor doesn't examine her, but does want to have a frank talk about getting immunized against HPV. Desperate Danielle tells Christine sex is gross and to not ever have it (well that's a surefire way to make her want to have it) and wants to discuss the dangers of oral sex. Christine tells Desperate Danielle she should listen to the doctor about all the diseases one can catch from giving oral sex. Snap!

Kim G. continues to stoke the flames as she drags Christopher into her quest to get Caroline to have lunch with her. Shameless, much? Christopher thought he has hanging out with his buddy, John, (Kim G's son) for a game of pool in the rec room, but Kim G., bearing popcorn, descends on the poor kid to vent about, what else, The Desperate Danielle Situation. She manipulates things so that Christopher says perhaps if he and John tag along for lunch, his mother might be more inclined to go. Dirty, dirty, dirty. Later, Christopher broaches the subject with his mom, who as predicted, puts the hammer down on any such get-together. Caroline, ever the astute commentator, knows Kim G. is headed for her "uh-oh moment" with Desperate Danielle, because everyone has one.

A blissfully unaware Desperate Danielle visits with Kim G. to unload about her desire to track down her biological mother. Desperate Danielle expounds on what a special connection she feels to Kim G., how she considers her to be a great friend, on and on and on. You almost have to feel sorry for Desperate Danielle. Almost. Kim G. says she knows a guy who can help Desperate Danielle on her quest and the two ladies trade "I love you's." Cue dramatic music.

The bomb detonates when, during a family dinner of milkshakes, Christine mentions that a chatty eyebrow lady told one of her girlfriends about Desperate Danielle's search for her birth mother (the girls hadn't been privy to this information). And the source of the information? Teresa. Who heard it from? Kim G. I mean, I don't even think high school was this ridiculous. Why set "Gossip Girl" in New York City? Franklin Lakes or Wayne seem to be pretty good stand-ins. Desperate Danielle goes ballistic as she puts the chain of gossip together and goes outside to get on the horn with the thugtastic Danny. He warns her that because Kim G. is neighbors with the Manzos, et al, it stands to reason she'd be chummy with them. He tells Desperate Danielle to let him know "how you want to handle it." Words you never want to hear from an ex-con on probation.

Desperate Danielle spreads word around town that Kim G. is now persona non grata. A distressed Kim G. barges into Jacqueline's house for her mea culpa and Jacqueline tsks-tsks that she had it coming. Kim G. admits she wasn't listening to Jacqueline's warnings about Desperate Danielle and kicks herself for trying to be nice to the woman. She ticks off a list of all the things she's done for Desperate Danielle and Jacqueline tells Kim G. to stop being a two-faced people pleaser. Say what you will about Jacqueline, you know where you stand with her. Speak it, sister!

Thugalicious Danny visits with Desperate Danielle who rants about what a bitch Kim G. is and claims she "sucked as a friend." The two women meet for lunch and the showdown is on. Desperate Danielle is upset that news about her search for her biological mother is being yapped about by the eyebrow lady and Kim G. brings up all the times she was there for Desperate Danielle and what a good friend she was to her. Desperate Danielle claims amnesia and walks away. Kim G. chases after Desperate Danielle (why is this woman always being chased?) and yells after her that she has no friends, just her fake, square tits. And add Kim G. to the growing pile of Desperate Danielle's enemies.

Next week, Joe winds up on TMZ and the Housewives head to Italy.