No Person Can Stay Clean Alone for Long

My sponsor took the time to print out all of my AC articles dealing with recovery and we went over them on Saturday morning. We had hit a 9 AM NA meeting and then stopped at a coffee house (always local, never a chain) and broke out a highlighter. Talking about staying clean, trying to help a couple folks via the Internet to stay clean, and how this has been helping my program, were some of the things we went over. That discussion is what inspired today's article.

If you have been here from the beginning [If you have been following me from the beginning], we feel strongly a person just would not, for his or her own reasons, get and remain clean solely and anonymously through the Internet. After studying the goal, going over my own program, with my sponsor and he with is, it is time to take the plunge. We have created a communications link via a Yahoo address/messenger as listed in the 'Do You Know' section of the article. Before we discuss the nuts and bolts of sponsorship and the sponsor relationship, several points need to be clarified. I am not a professional counselor in ANY capacity. I'm simply an addict with some clean time is my only qualifications. That and my sponsor's agreement, I should add.

I sincerely wish to earn some of the mental and spiritual rewards of aiding someone else in staying clean. Years of using have given me a tragic sort of karma that can only be shaken by sincere good deeds. The mail account mentioned was set up solely for on-line sponsoring and all correspondence to me remains confidential, barring talk of hurting yourself or others. The other intention of today's posting is what to look for when seeking to find a sponsor, should you do decide to make semi-public your now clean slate.

A comment sent to me recently and a very valid question; "Why can't I work the steps myself?" By nature we are subjective beasts and the steps call for a great deal of objectivity. A barber goes to another barber for a haircut, even if that is a tortured analogy. Now, I had quit heroin several times in my life, before that last run ending with me a prisoner. Previous to entering the fellowship of NA, I never even knew of recovery, abstention was good enough or so I thought. May I first stress; I do not represent ANY fellowship in ANY capacity, nor am I a mental health professional. If you feel life is really getting on top of you, seek help NOW. Do not worry; the Internet will still be here when you get back.

I have a little confession to make. I am not crazy about going to meetings and NA was the lesser of the two in irritant level. You do not have to like the taste of the medicine, for it to work and I have come a long way in my tolerance to others. I suppose being a little older makes the kids posing/posers a little tough on my nerves, as well as the 'war stories'. But some are sicker than others and they are there to get themselves clean, not as any sort of favor to me. I stuck with it and with the right people, found some meetings which were a little more sedate and tuned more toward me; folks in their 40s.

Two or three people in the program who I deeply respect put it to me like this: "Once you have a couple years clean, you OWE it to the fellowship to go to meetings and to share once in a while." At first I thought this smacked of hubris, but the truth of the statement slowly revealed itself to me over time. I am not going to join in the battle of the fellowships NA vs. AA; both do what they set out to do just fine. To say one is better than the other is like saying helicopters are more useful than airplanes. It is all a matter of perspective. Maybe because of the Army and parochial schooling, I tend to favor organization, discipline, and quietness. As much as this would tip the balance of personal favor towards the original 12 step fellowship, the singleness of purpose issue firmly places me in NA. If this is a little confusing, it won't be once you are a bit more familiar with both fellowships.

Should you choose to retain me as an electronic sponsor; I would bet that by your third step the desire for a live sponsor and in-person meetings will be stronger than any shyness you may have left. OK, let us suppose that through IM and email, you are looking forward to starting the KEY 4th step. Since you, hopefully, have read this story you understand, I will not be offended, when you say that a real 'live in person' sponsor would make this so much easier.

In choosing a sponsor what do YOU look for? In its simplest form, the definition of a sponsor is someone who helps you work the steps. They are NOT a spiritual guru, matchmaker, bank, BFF, shrink, taxi, or the hundreds of other little things many of them tend to do in helping you get your recovery program in gear. Those are things they do out of love, not as a requirement of their role as a sponsor.

The first item to address is your sponsor MUST be of your own gender. This is non- negotiable even if your lifestyle involves the same sex. Dissidents from this rule of both sexes will try to be slick and say that other (men or women) are either jealous of them or they are more comfortable with said group. Like it or not, your comfort is now secondary to working a good program.

The second item is how they work their program. One of the best ways to get to know this is to watch and listen to them at meetings. Most home-groups announce whether they have temporary sponsors available at the beginning of the meeting, usually after the GSR (General Service Representative) report. Since the folks I have talked with, through these articles are a cautious lot, you are probably going to hang back, before choosing your sponsor. The important thing is for you to go to that first meeting. When your potential sponsor shares, look for them concentrating on how the topic relates to their recovery. If it becomes a platform for how great they are, or a war story, you may want to move on. If they focus on the named topics and how it applies to their program of recovery, or how their program applies to it, you have a potential winner.

Think back to high school, your first year of college, or your fist couple months in the service. Remember the biggest smack talkers? It was no coincidence they were the first to fold under pressure. The same thing holds true in recovery. You want to share your story with a doer, not a talker.

God luck, God bless, and please feel free to comment. Like most, the positive feedback is appreciated but I also leave the negative comments up, too. As long as you are clean, I will listen.