No Strings Attached Film Review (2011)

1 hr. 48 mins.

Starring: Ashton Kutcher, Natalie Portman, Greta Gerwig, Cary Elwes, Olivia Thirlby, Kevin Kline, Lake Bell, Chris "Ludicris" Bridges, Mindy Kaling

Directed by: Ivan Reitman

MPAA Rating: R

Critic's Rating: ** stars (out of 4 stars)

Ah, what is a lovelorn comedy without its many forms of romantic ribaldry to spice up the jocularity of the proceedings? What is in store this week: Delirious divorce settlements? Philandering spouses getting even at one another? How about comical interracial dating as frothy fodder? Maybe it is witnessing middle-aged men and their dalliances with curvaceous cuties half their age? Could it be the conventional case of the underestimated geek claiming his glorious hands on the elusive busty babe that is willing to date out of her league through charitable means?

In director Ivan Reitman's (hits: "Ghostbusters", "Dave"/misses: "Father's Day", "Evolution", "My Super Ex-Girlfriend") silly-minded, soulless sexual farce No Strings Attached , we are numbingly treated to the compromising kisses-and-hugs conflict-of-the-moment...the fashionable FWB arrangements...you know, the modern-day "friends with benefits" movement that is sweeping the nation for non-committal consenting adults that conveniently "crave the obtainable milk without bothering to buy the cow" scenario? Although the premise is cheekily defined and seems promising in its smirking entanglements, No Strings Attached is conventionally digested as yet another sordidly uneven story of formulaic foundational flakiness: lazy and lame-ridden laughs, miscast performers in mawkish material not worthy of their participation and monotonous situational plot-holes that neither stimulate or sensationalize the toothless humor that persists.

Reitman, who has helmed some mighty derivative ditties as of late (hmmm...how can we forget the painful "Six Days Seven Nights" to add to the mix?) decides to take a scattershot look at the committal issues of young progressive adults that can spare no true time for genuine romancing. Along with Reitman's stiffening direction is screenwriter Elizabeth Meriwether's derivative script that fails to go beyond the sweet-toothed moments and conjured quirkiness that stalls No Strings Attached with a baseless breeziness of an antiquated Love American Style rerun episode. There is no vibrant bounce or convincing naughtiness that propels this lovey-dovey comedic clunker beyond its synthetic soap opera-induced chicanery. This is an annoyingly wincing and plodding effort by Reitman to construct an intimacy-based chuckler that examines the "fast food" mentality of ordering the short cut solution to ready-made romance on the grill.

Television production assistant Adam Kurtzman (Ashton Kutcher, "Killers") and busy-minded med student Emma Franklin (Natalie Portman from her brilliant Oscar-worthy turn in "Black Swan") are solid friends that have had a historical knack for bumping into one another every few years or so. Finally, they agree to have random sexual encounters so long as they do not have to invest in anything too complicated or emotional that may tie them down. Emma is for casually expressing her carnal cravings in the bedroom and doesn't mind the FWB circumstances. However, a clingy Adam demands more from commitment-phobic Emma as he begins to entertain thoughts of serious feelings for his occasional bubbly bedmate. Adam cannot help but harbor his constant deep-seeded love for Emma and wants more from her romantically than just the numerous physical-fueled run-ins under the silky sheets.

Soon, Adam finds his emotional instability for Emma running amok as his jealousies of other men courting Emma is stifling and he wants to break out and do more for his self-discovering passion of a neurotic Emma that strictly wants to play footsies without adhering to the platitudes of receiving flowers and candies or taking the time to hold hands by walking through a scenic park. Somehow the stereotypical tables are turned as we are suppose to soak up the gimmick of the hormonal guy wanting to shun meaningless sex in favor of a solid relationship while the earnest gal champions the "wham bam...thank you ma' am" pillow talk tendencies at the expensive of her accommodating boy-toy. Sound creatively revolutionary to you?

The heralded convenience concerning "on-the-spot lovemaking" for Emma is about instant gratification while Adam wants to take the time to wistfully smell the roses and realize his drawn-out love for the petite, delicious-looking doctor-in-training. Can the love-starved Adam convince the "at-arms-length" affection-challenged Emma to loosen up and accept his substantive romanticism at face value? Will Adam see that Emma's approach to partaking in quick-minded coupling is practical and ideally acceptable given both their budding, boisterous career paths that are set in thriving motion?

In theory, No Strings Attached wants to be a high-spirited spark plug about the skepticism of love, commitment and consideration in today's impersonal world that cynically questions the abandonment of these very same romantic virtues for the uncertainty of casual intercourse as detached freedom of obligation. This is all well and good in its ambitious intentions but Strings gets woefully tangled in the cockeyed contrivances of thinly-veiled outrageousness and the tepid tomfoolery that cannot sustain this bed-hopping romp as a calculating commentary on taking a chance from the unfulfilled heart.

Both Kutcher and Portman feel restrained and lost in this stagy schmaltz-made vehicle about an inescapable indifference highlighting alienation and affection. Kutcher does not seem to warrant any considerable depth as the redemptive cad seeking that golden chance for cemented love. Curiously, he has this shadowy propensity for wanting to investigate his unsatisfied loving motivations for Portman's aloof love-forbidden protagonist. Sadly, Meriwether's sketchy script does not support Kutcher's spotty emerging desires suitably. As for Portman's charming yet disenchanted Emma, we're never quite clear about why this young progressive woman is so wounded and warped by the concept of embracing stabilizing intimacy other than it would prove to be a lingering hindrance for her blossoming medical career.

Portman, who skillfully portrayed a bewildered ballerina on-the-cringing-edge of self-doubt and self-destruction in the darkly entertaining Black Swan, surprisingly misses the mark as she struggles to display some of the same robust angst-ridden intensity that plagues her loveless and reluctant med student weary of true blue tenderness. We are shown that Emma is ardently gun shy about wanting more from a variety of men (including her best buddy Adam) but it would have helped immensely if filmmaker Reitman (and Meriwether's tattered screenplay) took the time to explore her romantic reticence thus giving the audience more to chew on regarding her footnoted hesitance about Kutcher's/Adam's well-intentioned love-bonding advances.

The supporting cast is inexplicably clumped together and seem trivial to the overall main subplot that is the Kutcher/Adam-Portman/Emma loving lasso predicament. Oscar-winner Kevin Kline is on board as Adam's horndog TV personality father that may have "tainted" one of his son's ex-galpals. Now does that tidbit bring an automatic subversive smile to your face? Plus, the comical cohorts are lumped together to serve as emotional leaning posts for our toe-rubbing tandem. Greta Gerwig's Patrice, Olivia Thirlby's Katie, Lake Bell's Lucy, Mindy Kaling's Shira-all are there to arbitrarily comment, comfort and console the conflicted carnal cutie Emma. For good measure, rapper/actor Chris "Ludacris" Bridges plays Wallace, the smooth sidekick at Adam's disposal for combat duty. Thankfully, Ludacris's hipness adds what amounts to one of the few lacking fresh angles to this lopsided laugher.

Sporadic doses of wide-eyed whimsy and anemically amorous confrontations between youthful attractive A-listers in roguish Kutcher and salient Portman bogged down in a finicky friendship-with-benefits fable spouting hormonal overtones leaves the loose-ended Strings for this low rent rudimentary romancer undeniably detached.