No Time Anymore

Not long after the birth of our second child I realized that I would have to give up my SAHM status and find part-time employment. After the birth of our sixth child, I am now positive that I will have to find a full-time employer and quickly. What does this mean for my family? This means that being a family and having time to do little special things for our children will be few and far between. How can we balance it all? When you have a dual-income family, where both parents work outside the home the dynamics of your family structure changes and evolves. Sometimes the structure becomes comprimised, and you spend many sleepless nights trying to figure out how to reinforce what you have spent years building.

So far we have saved ourselves childcare costs by working opposite shifts. Our children are always with one of their parents no matter what. This has put a strain on our marriage. We function on seperate schedules and see each other for only a few hours a day. During those few hours we spend little if any time alone together, and we usually complete normal family chores and tasks like dinner and housecleaning. Then there is taking care of our childrens baic needs and offering them as much time as we can which is limited for each child. Nightly bathing, home-work, story-time, one-on-one interaction, dinner chores, bedtime routines and putting them to bed individually.

Days and weeks turn into months that seem no different than the day before because it was not; you wonder if things will ever become easier and less stressfull. Many days and nights you each feel like your giving everything you've got and not getting anything in return for your efforts. Things will become easier once all of our children are in school, we can then take on employment while they are safe and sound behind a desk opening up our evenings to be a family once again.

Who suffers the most when both parents work, is it the children or the marriage? Honestly, they equally suffer, your children learn to expect dissapointment when it comes to family connectedness and your partner accepts the lack of uintimacy and involvement. You find yourself looking forward to work, at least then you have a moment that is not filled with catering to the demands that seem to dominate the time you have while home. Hence the first mistake a couple makes when they both work, allowing employment to stunt the intimacy and spontanaity of your marriage. The second mistake so many make, guilting yourself into taking on more than you can trully handle. Everyone wants to be super-mom/dad but for the sake of your children, spouse and sanity just be the best mom/dad that you can be. don't sweat the small stuff, do only what you are capable and always accept the help of those willing to lend a hand.

Manage your time not your family.