Non Custodial Mothers and Parental Alienation
Many mothers lose custody to their abusers. First, you may doubt this statement. Some studies have shown that batterers are able to convince authorities that the victim is unfit or undeserving of sole custody in approximately 70% of challenged cases. Fathers who batter mothers are two times more likely to seek sole physical custody of their children, than non-violent fathers.
Who are abusers? They can be highly educated with many credentials, prominent people in the community who are financially stable or wealthy, ones you would never imagine in a million years could commit such violence, and people in all professions. It is sometimes the people we admire and respect the most who abuse. They often do not "look" like abusers. It is this normal appearance and professionalism that in some ways, enable the inappropriate conduct. After all, who would believe THAT PERSON would abuse or batter anyone?
Second, you are probably wondering what judge in his or her right mind, would grant custody to an abuser.
How does it happen? Judges fail to consider all of the evidence- especially in abuse cases. Guardian Ad Litems who are supposed to remain neutral and in the best interests of the child(ren) lack training and choose "sides." The abuser has more money to spend on litigation. The abuser brings false allegations of abuse or molestation against the victim. The abuser forces the child to make false allegations against the mother. The mother's attorney fails to show up at a court hearing and a "default" is entered. The "court appointed psychological evaluation" is botched and untruthful. The evaluator conducting it is unqualified. The abuser uses a process of alienation techniques to turn the child against the other parent- so the child will say he or she wants to live with the abuser.
Don't ever believe the following: that he could not get custody because he is a drunk of other drug user, she must have done "something" to deserve not having her child, she is not telling the whole story, there is no court in this land that would give him custody- he already has children he does not support, she did not try hard enough, you would fight for your child or do something the non-custodial mother did not do, or that perfect justice exists. Most important, do not ever believe it will not happen to you or a loved one.
Parental Alienation is not just about one parent "brainwashing" the child against the other parent. When you bad-mouth the other parent to your child, you are bad-mouthing half of your child. That parent is one half of your child's heritage and identity. Love your whole child. Do not attempt to change your child's history or think you can "erase" your child's memories with the other parent. You will never be able to erase the love the child has for that parent or what is in his or her heart. The devastating and harmful effects of parental alienation can last a lifetime. Please do not do this to your child because it is child abuse.
Love your child more than you hate your ex. Remember when you look at your child, you are looking at the best of the union between you and the other parent. Our children make it impossible to regret our past. (a quote from the movie, "Black and Blue")
For more information see http://www.TheJulietteGilbertAssociation.com
Published by Joy Henley
Joy Henley is a Social Worker of 30 years - for 25 years supporting non-custodial mothers. She is an Educator of severe Parental Alienation. She is a former Commissioner on the WA State Child Support Sched... View profile
- Judges and the Development of Parental Alienation SyndromeDr. Richard A. Gardner, who coined the term "Parental Alienation Syndrome" in 1985, believed that family court judges, rather than impede the development of PAS, often facilitate it.
- The Facts of Parental Alienation SyndromeParental Alienation Syndrome, widespread but often misunderstood, is up for inclusion in the next edition of the DSM
- Parental Alienation Syndrome: Malicious Conduct During DivorceDuring a divorce, it is not uncommon for parents to speak of ill-will toward one another. When children are adversely affected, however, the conduct may be considered malicious and create Parental alienation syndrome
- Parental Alienation: What to Do when Your Child Won't Speak to YouParental alienation occurs when one parent "poisons" his or her child against the other. If your child won't speak to you or seems angry with you, it is important to address the situation head-on.
- Child Custody Disputes: Integrity of Credible Witnesses Play a Key RoleWhen considering you will be your credible witness, in a child custody hearing, be certain you consider the preferences and behaviors of the judge.
- Negotiate Child Custody in Court
- Fathers and Child Custody
- Is He "the Loser", or is He "Dad"?
- Child Custody - An Overview
- Parental Alienation Syndrome: A New Face of Terrorism
- Child Custody Battles: What Every Woman Should Know
- False Domestic Violence Accusations Can Lead to Parental Alienation Syndrome
2 Comments
Post a CommentTHANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS ARTICLE! Mothers like me (and our children) have been made to suffer exponentially more due to the additional stigma of shame. If I had a dime for every time someone literally backed away from me when I told them that I do not have custody of my children, I would not have gone bankrupt twice (bankrupted my husband and sister too) fighting for my children. Please do keep speaking out to protect those who have NO PROTECTION = the children of non-custodial mothers who have lost them to their abusers.
I loved your article!