Non-stop News About Paris Hilton: She Has a Friend, She Pumps Gas, She Goes to a Club

Dateline: Los Angeles

There is breaking news about Paris Hilton's evening. There are reports now that Paris Hilton did pump gas today. The gas station was Bill's Cowboy Store, and the amount was 7.8 gallons of gas. Paris Hilton was seen to use her right hand to pump the gas, spurring specualtion that the left handed gas pumping of yesterday was just a ruse to throw off the paparrazi. The news lab is currently analysing the footage of both incidents to determine which hand Paris Hilton truly favors.

Paris Hilton was then seen to pick up a very skinny friend. It is unsure at the moment as to who the friend was, but the reports are coming in that it is one of the 27 friends Paris Hilton has been seen with this month twho has a father who was famous 10 years ago and who is very, very skinny.

Paris Hilton and her skinny friend proceeded to go to a nightclub, Pure Hot Oxygen Taco Bar. The two proceeded to dance. Poorly. At one point in the evening, there was a fight between Paris Hilton and an ex-boyfriend, and someone was slapped and Paris Hilton was seen to cry in the club on at least three occassions.

Someone then yelled at the skinny friend, and then Paris Hilton and her friend danced again. The dancing continued, as Paris Hilton was heard to say "that's hot" 122.5 times during the evening, with a margin of error of +\- 2 percent. The final time that Paris Hilton uttered the phrase, she was interrupted and was only able to say "that's h-." The interruption was a member of her security legion telling her that her phone, computer, website and Tivo had all been hacked.

After the club dancing, Paris Hilton and her friend left in seperate SUVs. The friend proceeded to drive home, hitting a parked car along the way. The very skinny young woman then got out of the car and stared at it for two hours, yelling "I just went to a club with Paris Hilton" every half hour to passersby. A police car did stop for the Paris HIlton friend, but were told that she did not help, but needed a photographer dispatched immediately.

Meanwhile, there are many credible reports coming in that Paris Hilton hit a parked car when she was halfway home from the club. Paris Hilton then got out of the car and yelled to photographers that they had made her wreck her car. Paris Hilton signed autographs for the photographers for almost an hour, before climbing into her SUV and going home. It is believed that Paris Hilton then went to bed.

Tomorrow it is expected that Paris Hilton will wake up around noon, wander around her huge house looking out the windows and staring at her nail polish. She is believed to be planning to pump gas tomorrow afternoon before hitting another club with another skinny friend. Reporters and photographers are stationed at every gas station in the L.A. area just in case she does decide to pump said gas. Come back tomorrow to read a new account of pumping gas and going to a club. Or, just read this one again.