Norad Santa Tracker in High Gear

Despite a heavy handed history of non-believers, good old St. Nick has once again been spotted on the NORAD Santa tracker. It was believed for the longest time that the story of Santa Claus was just a myth to entertain small children. People were under the impression that a jolly old man with a big belly, red suit and flowing white beard didn't actually exist. Mistakenly, people believed that the gifts left under the Christmas tree were from family members. There was very little genuine belief in Santa Claus.

That all changed in the mid fifties when NORAD released reports of an unidentified vehicle of sorts, spotted over the Dead Sea. It was dismissed early on as a primitive form of weather balloon apparatus taking readings but there were some strange things about the sighting that just didn't add up. The speed at which the vehicle was moving had never been seen before. Also, in the morning, there were strange droppings left behind that were not indigenous to animals in that region. It is believed that this was the first successful operation of the NORAD Santa tracker.

It wasn't long after that people started to realize that they really couldn't stand their families in tight spaces for extended periods of time. It became obvious that family couldn't possibly be leaving presents behind, they had to be coming from a different source.

In 1972 during a late night swim in Egypt, Anwar Sadat reported to his minister of the interior that he had been hit on the top of the head by a Slip n' Slide toy that he claimed, appeared to fall from the sky. It wasn't' long before military installations around the world began taking the sightings seriously. The NORAD Santa tracker quickly became one of the most critical operations in American military history.

It is still difficult today for people to believe that some strange man is flying around in his pajamas and sneaking into their homes in the middle of the night trying to buy the love of their children. It is however, becoming harder and harder as the evidence piles up, to ignore the truth. The NORAD Santa tracker does not lie.

The fat man was most recently seen off the coast of Australia heading towards Perth. It has long been believed that he is a huge fan of the Aborigines population there and has been actively instructing them in the art of baseball. Their team hopes to be ready for consideration by the American League East by the year 2012. They have also allegedly taken a solemn oath to never speak of Santa's existence to the outside world. It is only the second time in history that the old man has voluntarily made himself known to the modern world. The first time was in 1779 when he found a little boy crying in France who was upset that the other kids were teasing him about being so short. Santa explained that children can be cruel and told the little boy to stand up straight and think big. He also said that he shouldn't expect everyone to call him shorty forever. In fact, one day he told him that if he held on to his dreams, that people would respect him and only call him by his true name, Napoleon. He hasn't given any other pep talks since.

This year with the advent of some new technology that Mr. Claus has learned from NASA, he expects to break new records in the amount of time it takes him to deliver to all the children of the world this evening. The NORAD Santa tracker has supposedly picked up Santa bragging that he might deliver around the world twice tonight.
The only difficulty that is being considered is Iran, where it is rumored president Ahmadinjad has installed three times as many surface to air missile platforms as usual, specifically for tonight.

It is believed that for the children of Iran, Santa is seriously considering FedEx.