Not Just Another Cat - Comfort in the Loss of a Pet

Maybe Hallmark has a good idea and is making money. And maybe my vet and pet sitter are investing in some good public relations. But I have to say that when my cat of twelve years died a week ago, it really helped when these people and others sent me sympathy cards.

I hate clichés, but this cat truly was a family member. He was a beautiful and people-loving Persian. My grown daughters loved him, and he was the subject of almost every conversation we had. My landlord got a real kick out of him. My cat would sit in the window when my landlord repaired the outside of the house. Of course, my boyfriend loved him-and not because he knew I wanted him to. Friends cooed over my cat when he would rub against their legs and purr upon greeting them. Even my ex-husband was upset that his favorite boy was gone.

So when all these people sent me cards and notes and emails, it really comforted me. I felt like my cat's life and loss were meaningful--not only to me, but to the others who knew him, as well.

When people told me they were sorry about my cat's death and recalled some amusing incident involving him, it validated my cat's loss and my feelings about that loss.

I know he wasn't a person. I know that his death is nothing compared to the losses that other people suffer. There's a couple who just lost a 21-year-old child. And I know that losing a cat is nothing like the tragedy they suffered.

But on a day-to-day basis, my life has changed now that my cat isn't with me anymore. I used to hear that widows swear they hear their departed husbands' keys in the door. And now I can swear I hear my cat opening the bedroom door at night-just the way he did for twelve years. Or I think I hear him scratching in the litter box downstairs. When that momentary flash is over and I realize that he will never come through that door again, it hurts.

If you've never had a pet who died, then this may seem over-the-top to you. If you have suffered the loss of a beloved animal partner, you know what I'm talking about.

So when someone's pet dies, acknowledge it. Tell the individual you're sorry about the loss. If you ever interacted with the cat or dog, recall some nice event and share it. Animals are not people, but the loss of an animal feels as bad as the death of some humans. In some cases, it hurts even more.

Sending a card is nice. Emails are nice, too. And a phone call is really caring.

But do avoid saying the stupid things that some people say when there's a loss of a human family member. One woman told me my cat is in a better place now. That really irked me. I can tell you that no "kitty heaven" can be better than my place was for me and my cat.

So thanks to all of you who have expressed your condolences about the loss of "just a cat." It means a lot to me--and a lot to everyone who has ever shared their lives with a pet.