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Not Ready

Casey

You're not even gone yet

But I feel the emptiness already

I don't feel like trying to write beautifully

I feel devastated

Hospice...

I wish there was a way to make this all easier

To make the pain go away

Is he scared because I am

I'm terrified

It has always been that grandpa's sick

He has type one diabetes

He's blind

He had a kidney transplant when I was really young

But he always made it through

Usually with a joke and a laugh

My hero

Conquers everything and keeps going

Keeps selling canoes

Answering phones and emails

Being an outfitter

An owner of a business

A teacher

He's ready

Ready to be done with this disease

He's at peace with everything

But I'm not

I see people everyday at my work

With their minds gone from Alzheimer's and dementia

They live on and on

My grandpa still helps me with my college science terms

I'm not ready for this

I'm not ready for the end

I know he suffers

But I'm just not ready for grandpa to be gone

I'm selfish.

Published by Casey

I'm 24 years old, I live with my fiance, Jake and our two dogs Lakota and Katie. I'm a full time union laborer and working, fishing and hunting every spare moment.  View profile

1 Comments

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  • Allana Calhoun1/20/2011

    There is certainly nothing wrong with the way you feel. Good job expressing and sharing your emotions. Many people feel this way and feel guilty, but by sharing this we discover there are so many others out there that we don't need to feel guilty, but normal.

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