Note to My Father

In spite of the fact that my father has been dead for quite some time, somewhere deep inside of me, I have continued to hold on to the idea of his love. I think it is time to let that go. This is my final note to my father.

The time has come to say goodbye
And for me to let you go.
I've held too long on to the pain
That your hatred made me know.

I've finally managed to forgive;
Forgetting is another thing.
With so many bad memories
Inside my soul that haunt and sting.

The thing is that I so wanted
To fill your heart with purist joy.
Why would you never let me?
Because I wasn't born a boy?

I can still picture in my mind
The beauty of your blue eyes;
So magnificent were they
Like God's blessed azure skies.

I can still see your gorgeous smile
Mischievous and full of glee
But that ever precious present
Was never once aimed toward me.

Every lass at one time longs
To be daddy's little girl.
If but for the briefest moment
To set her father's heart awhirl.

But I never got such a chance
For you never wanted me.
No matter how hard I tried
Or accomplished I came to be.

You are dead and long gone from me
And yet still the hurt remains;
Your apathy and uncaring
Have left unremoveable stains.

But maybe if I let you go;
Stop wanting what will never be
I can move forward in my life
And learn, at last, how to love me.