Nothing Will Ever Make You Happy

I currently work part time in the cafeteria at a local school and while I was putting away the boxes of juice we receive each week, I suddenly had a sinking feeling. "Nothing will ever make you happy" I thought. I was a bit puzzled by this thought, as it sort of crept up on me out of nowhere.

"Nothing will ever make me happy?" I questioned. "That's not very promising." And then I had the thought, "Actually it's pretty good news."

"Oh really! How's that?"

"Well, you've been disappointed lately because there have been so many things that you thought would make you happy, but once you had them, you soon returned to an unhappy state.

For instance, you thought going to school would make you happy, you thought getting a new job would make you happy, you thought a new apartment would make you happy at one time, and you even thought losing weight would make you happy..." "And although initially you felt better when those things occurred, that feeling quickly dissipated."

I thought about this for a while as I continued to lift the cartons of juice out of the boxes and place them on trays to be transported to the refrigerator. It's true, I realized. Whenever I start to feel unhappy or agitated with my life, I quickly try to find something to do that will make me feel happy again. But, it never works.

"Because nothing will ever make you happy." I thought again.

Does that mean I will never be happy in this lifetime?

"No. It means nothing will ever make you happy."

And then I suddenly understood what I was telling myself. No thing will ever make me happy. In other words, there is nothing I can do, nothing that can happen, and nothing I can have that will make me happy, because my happiness does not come from things, circumstances, or actions.

My circumstances have changed many times throughout my life, I've had many different things, and I've done many different things. But happiness, true happiness, has not been mine to keep. I've had moments of joy, but they're always quickly replaced by fear, worry, anger, and anxiety.

What I realized today while putting the juice away is that, the content of my life will always be changing. And I cannot depend on the content to make me happy. The only thing that is always here, no matter what, is me. So my happiness must therefore, depend on me and nothing else.

Although I will make choices and do certain things, and my life will continue to change, I realize now, that I cannot expect those things and those changes to make me happy or unhappy. Only I can do that, based on how I choose to see things and experience things.

When I first had the thought, "Nothing will ever make me happy" this morning, I felt defeated. Now, even though I may not always choose happiness for myself, at least I really understand that I have that option, and no thing can take that away from me.