Nun Prays for Britney Spears and Other Fallen Celebrities

North Forks, OH - Sister Penelope Fitzgerald, known to her admirers as "Sister Penny", has an unusual calling. She has dedicated her life to praying for the souls of female celebrities on the edge. "I watched 'Valley of the Dolls' 27 times as a child. It really impacted my view of life," said the prim and pious Sister Penny.

"Dolls" message of success ruined by "booze, pills and dope," in an inspired performance by Patty Duke as the troubled Neely O'Hara, is a timeless one, the nun believes. When she turned 18 she set out on an odyssey of self discovery which her led to The Sisters of Mary Jane convent. The sisters here grow cannabis, which they use in prayer circles dedicated to the modern-day troubled celebrity.

"Britney. Dear, sweet Britney. God knows her scalp has suffered razor burn and her soul now knows suffering." Unlike poor folks, who are used to the degraded lifestyle and prison time, Britney and those like her have known "the good things in life," said Sister Penny. "The thought of Paris (Hilton) in that jail cell, for what was it..two days??" The Sister simply bows her head and weeps softly.

Hopefully, in her prayer circle, she and her sisters will make a difference in the lives of the rich who now suffer needlessly.

"If I save just one soul, send one Britney back to the good life...my life's work will have been worth something."

Sister Penny looks skyward and seems to fall into a melancholic trance. Perhaps miracles do happen, after all.