Nurture Your Older Teen Without Being Overprotective

How much freedom should an older teenager have? A teenager of 16 or 17 has just a short time before they will be expected to be adults and take responsibility for their choices. When should you step in and when should you stay out of their business? As moms we want our teens to always be safe and happy. How can you protect your teen while still allowing him to learn from his mistakes and be prepared for the responsibilities of being an adult? It is a thin line that separates protective from overprotective.

Choosing Appropriate Friends

This is a hard one for many moms. I know I've met some of my oldest son's friends and just knew that there was going to be trouble, while there were others that I instantly trusted and liked. You can probably guess which friends my son chose to acquaint with the most. Yes, the ones that Mom didn't approve of.

He has made some pretty dumb decisions along the way but he has also learned from his mistakes. I've come to see that by me staying out of his business as far as the friends he chooses he has learned to select better friends who won't drag him down, and some of the ones I liked to begin with are still around and are still quality and reliable friends.

I couldn't explain the feeling of unease I carried around when he was out with those friends, how my stomach turned as I imagined terrible events that could be happening to him while I sat at home helpless to intervene. Anything I said as a mom about his choice of friends would lead to him becoming defensive and closing me out. My communication with my son was more important to me than forbidding him to have certain friends.

Riding with other Teenagers

In my mind, licensed or not teens are not experienced drivers, they get distracted easily and make rash decisions. I've had to overcome this somewhat because I don't want my son to become an adult who still needs his mommy to tell him where he can go and who he can go with. What it came down to for me was how I felt about the teen that would be driving.

There are certain of his friends that I wouldn't let him in the car with for any reason, and there are others who are responsible in other areas of their lives, who are considerate and careful as if they realize the huge importance of being responsible for the lives of everyone in the vehicle they are driving.

So I let my son ride with some of his friends, I also insist on having a cell number for more than just my son and I expect them to let me know when they reach their destination and before they leave to return home. That isn't being overprotective; it's teaching him consideration for loved ones who worry. He'll use that in the future with his wife hopefully.

Internet and Cell Phone

Doesn't it just set your teeth on edge when you imagine the things your older teen may be seeing and discussing both online and on their cell phone? My son bought his own computer, and while I have passwords and information to log on to his accounts and check them, I try not to. I remember being a teen and the feeling of having no privacy. So unless I see something that concerns me I don't get involved in his online life or his cell phone usage. He pays for his own phone and therefore unless I suspect something that is dangerous or illegal I try to leave his usage up to his judgment.

I don't want my teens to grow up to be adults that have no clue how to function in the real world out from under my protective eye. I feel that my job is to protect and nurture them, instill responsibility and morals in them and raise them to be productive members of society.

To be honest, as much as I love my kids, I want them to grow up and move out. I want them to live their lives to the fullest and if they make mistakes I want them to learn from the mistake and do better the next time. They will never get to that point if I coddle them and don't allow them to grow up.

Read more by Suz Alicie:
What Are You Teaching Your Teen about Sex
How do You Handle Your Teen Falling in Love
You Can't Tell Me what to do; and Other Fun Step-Parenting Issues