Obama's Wailing Wall Prayer

When Senator Barack Obama was in Israel last week he followed tradition and left a note to God in the crevices of the Wailing, or Western Wall. That his note was taken from its repository and made public is an interesting turn of events. And even more interesting in that the note and its public exposure was indeed planned by the Obama Campaign. That's right - planned!

It was all revealed when a spokesman for Maariv, Israel's second most popular newspaper, went public by saying "publication of the note was pre-approved for international publication by the Obama campaign, leading to the conclusion that the 'private' prayer was intentionally leaked for public consumption." As reported on Israeli Insider.com "A Ma'ariv spokesman was quoted in the Jerusalem Post as saying that 'Barack Obama's note was approved for publication in the international media even before he put [it] in . . . '" So there you have it.

But unknown to anyone but me, your faithful reporter, I have the REAL text of the Messiah's speech. Turns out the note that was "leaked" to the international media was a fake. The real prayer was also printed in Obama's handwriting, but it was stuffed too deep to be easily retrieved. Instead the planted note, the one that was leaked to the media, was stuffed in afterward by a slight of hand. Only I have the text of the actual note that was stuck in the wall, and I will reveal it to you now.

It too is written on the stationary of the King David Hotel. Following is the verbatim text of the original note to God:

Dear Dad,

It's Barack here - ya know, the Messiah! Anyway, I'm on this dumb trip to the war zones and now I've had to go see where my brother, your other son, Jesus, was crucified. Man, this place is hot in the summer. And I'm starting to look bad in the public eye, what with my constantly saying we lost in Iraq when we really won. It's going real good for Bush there now, and I'm having a hard sell on this "I'll withdraw from Iraq on day one" stuff. Anyhow, since this is the traditional place to leave one's prayer, I thought I'd ask some questions while I got your attention.

Why am I here? Haven't you told these mortals I am the Messiah? I ask because these fools are making me jump through hoops like I was any ol' Presidential candidate. All this "who struck John" is gettin' old Dad. I am tired of having to justify myself to these fools. I thought you had paved the way for me? If so, you're slippin' Dad. Do you know I am getting flak because that idiot McCain keeps trying to make me have these 10 townhall meetings. Now I'm good, damn near perfect, but you know my problems when I have to go off prompter, so I thought you'd hooked me up on this? As the Messiah I will look pretty bad if I have to go off prompter and answer these dumb questions from the idiot voters. And that's another thing - don't "your children" know who I am? If so they sure have a strange way of showing it!

And what about this FOX News bunch? I thought that had been taken care of as well? They're asking some tough questions and I'm doing my best to ignore them, but I can't keep this up forever. Eventually I'm going to have to go on O'Reilly and if so I don't think I'm gonna come off lookin' very good. Now I have no complaints about Chris Matthews and the MSNBC bunch - they've been a big help, but they can't carry all the weight. And the New York Times and the AP are trying to run cover for me, but they're fading fast, so how's about a hook up Dad? Arent' you ready to zap O'Reilly and send him to visit Lucifer for all eternity? I'm ready for ya to zap him and Hannity too!

Now look Dad, time to get serious about this leader of the free world stuff. If I am going to win this job I'm gonna need one of two things - either you zap the Conservatives and I get the job by default, or you are gonna have to step it up a bit here. These Conservatives are really asking some tough questions and they're getting to be a real pain in the Messianic ass. And speaking of ass, could you tell the broadcast network anchors to get their heads outta my ass?

And what about the Europe leg of the trip? That bitch in Germany won't let me speak at the Brandenburg Gate - what's up with that? And she's a Conservative ya know Dad. And so is that Frenchie Frenchman Sarkozy, and that Gordon Brown dude in England is Conservative too! It's almost like this whole deal is slippin' away from me Pop. Why can't I just be President of Europe? They love me there!

Oh, I do want to pass along some good news (don't wanna seem like I'm just a whining little brat! I know, that's your pet name for me, but that's our secret). Kudos on scheduling those two popular bands to draw and warm up the crowd for me in Berlin. Hopefully it'll look like they dig the Messiah! But keep the rock band thing on the down low or FOX will broadcast it to the whole world. I can hear 'em now - "Turns out Obama's 'big crowd' in Berlin came to see the bands and stayed to listen to Obama for the free brats and beer." Dad, that'll really make me look like a pandering idiot, and I've have enough of that already!

Anyway, I gotta go put that other note in the wall now. When I get back to the US can you make FOX go away? And get them right wing bloggers too. They're getting a little too close for comfort. It's gotten so bad I can't have sleepovers with Bill Ayers and Rev. Wright anymore. And Tony Rezko has been calling wanting to 'hang out' and I miss Tony. We're tight, ya know?

Oh, and one more thing before I go - the next time I make a major announcement, like when I announced I was running for the US Senate, could you counsel me a tad bit better? When I told ya I was going to Billy Ayers to announce my candidacy, you said fine! Do you know how hard it is to fool these people that Billy and I aren't friends? And would you relieve a little pressure on me and give Michelle lockjaw for the next 8 years? Her mouth, both in media, and in my ear, is driving me crazy Dad. I swear, if that gorilla lookin' thing don't shut up she's gonna screw me right out of the Presidency. And then she'll harp in my ear for the next eight years . . . "Barack, if you hadn't (fill in the blank) I'd be First Lady." I don't think I can take that for 8 years Dad, so do the lockjaw thing for me on big mouth.

Later Dad, and Fist Bumps to ya -

Your Boy Barack "The Messiah" Obama

AUTHORS NOTE: While the "second prayer" is parody, the first two paragraphs about the Obama prayer being released for publication with the prior knowledge of said event is 100% true, and NOT parody. Check my included link for the original report. This is 100% fact.