Observations on the Winter Olympics

To the International Olympic Committee: Humans traveling at speeds in excess of 90 mph while lying face up on a tiny sled will likely die if launched into the air over a wall and into a large steel pole. Good thing there was nothing wrong with the track.

I can't believe I'm saying this, but I love curling. I am obsessed with this game. I start watching a match and the next thing I know it's a couple hours later and I'm still watching. I'm beginning to understand the strategy and the lingo and I know the names of many of the top players. I don't know that I'll ever be able to sweep my garage floor again without picturing Canadian women's team "skip" Cheryl Bernard pushing off the "hack," slowly gliding on the "sheet," carefully releasing the "rock," and curling it around a "guard" while her teammates vigorously "sweep" the ice ahead of the rock as it comes to rest "in the house" and onto the "button." I've become such a curling geek. Unfortunately I have to wait another four years before I get to geek it up again.

Give Johnny Weir credit. In a sport where every male skater, no matter his sexual orientation, dresses in sequins and feathers and wears makeup, Weir manages to leave no doubt that he is as gay as a male figure skater.

One of the stupider events is the biathlon where contestants cross-country ski, then stop and shoot rifles at targets before cross-country skiing again. It's kind of a Nordic version of drive-by shootings.

NBC, the network that balled up the works with the late night talk show fiasco, made another fine judgment by relegating one of the most highly anticipated hockey games in Olympic history to MSNBC while airing ice dancing, of all things. Unless the lady ice dancers are going to be naked, this is a dumb decision.

I don't know if it's her great schussing ability or the fact that she is a 5'10" blond beauty who looks smokin' hot in the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue, but I have developed a major crush on US downhill skier Lindsey Vonn. After thinking about it a while, I'm pretty sure it's the 5'10" blond beauty in a swimsuit thing that does it for me.

Do you think those goofy half-pipe snowboarders smoke a little weed now and then?

And speaking of weed, it's nice to see Bode Miller finally live up to the hype and win a gold medal. Now it's just a matter of selling it and scoring some good, quality stuff.

American Snowboarder Scotty Lago was sent home after posing for a couple of suggestive photos at a celebration following his bronze medal win. One pic shows a female kissing his medal as it hangs down around his crotchal area. It's time for the International Olympic Committee to pull the stick out of its tight ass and realize why male athletes compete in the first place. I mean if an Olympic medal can't get you a little below-the-belt action, what the hell good is it? Are you supposed to just hang the damn thing on your wall and look at it the rest of your miserable life?

The exciting, fast-paced, hard-hitting Team Canada/Team USA hockey matchup, played before a raucous crowd of Canadians, didn't disappoint with the Americans winning 5-3. Checked out the ice dancing immediately after the game ended hoping to see if maybe Tanith Belbin was naked and it turned out all the women were fully clothed. Nice call NBC-you dumbasses!