Odd Rock Music Lyrics: What the Hell Are They Singing About?

Some of the very greatest rock songs in history have lyrics that are (upon closer examination) completely well, daft! Let me highlight this by taking excerpts from various well known rock classics. To begin:

1: 'Led Zeppelin' - "Stairway to Heaven"

'If there's a bustle in your hedgerow
Don't be alarmed now,
It's just a spring clean for the may queen'

I doubt I'm the first, thousandth or even the ten thousandth person to have scratched my furrowed brow over this lyric.
First off, what is a bustle? Secondly, why would it be in your hedgerow and why would you be alarmed even if it was. As for 'spring clean for the may queen' well I just don't know. The more I think about this the more it sounds like a horticultural issue.

2: 'Nirvana' - "Smells like Teen Spirit"

A Mulatto
An Albino
A Mosquito
My Libido
Yea

O.K, what's a Mulatto. Is it a new Starbucks coffee drink or perhaps a reference to an 80's hairdo? Well according to the Dictionary it is the offspring of white/black parents.
Although this bit of info. still isn't helping me with the song at least now I have one more arsenal to my Cross wording skills.

3: 'Queen' - "Tie Your Mother Down"

Tie your mother down
Tie your mother down
Lock your daddy out of doors
I don't need him nosing around
Tie your mother down
Tie your mother down
Give me all your love tonight

O.K. First off it's not nice to be tying your Mother down! This is a situation I have managed to avoid (so far!). Secondly, locking your Daddy out of doors is only going to exacerbate the situation and thirdly I'm not sure 'who's giving who' all their loving, but I do know that someone is going to be doing some jail-time in the not-too distant future.

4. 'Neil Diamond' - "I Am...I said"

'I am I said to no one there
and no one heard at all, not even the chair'

So wait a minute. You said what now?
It sounds like he's saying 'I am' in an admittedly empty room since he follows it with the 'to no one there' line
Then he sounds oddly surprised that no-one has heard him, when it really shouldn't have been a surprise since it was after all .....AN EMPTY ROOM!
And how does he know the chair didn't hear him. To say 'not even the chair' infers that there may be in fact be certain circumstances where furniture does in fact hear 70's crooner's singing in abandoned rooms and therefore who is he to say that this particularly maligned chair didn't hear him, huh?

I'll end on this note. 'If Neil Diamond sings and no one is around to hear him, does he make a sound?'

5: 'Prodigy' - "Smack my Bitch up"

Change my pitch up, smack my bitch up.

That's it. That's all there is, seriously. Just repeated ad-nauseum. I always thought they were saying 'Change my picture'. 'Change my pitch up'! - I, I, I have nothing for this one I'm afraid. Nothing............. Catchy tune though.

The next song is a not-so-well known tune but one with such bizarre lyrics I felt I had to include it. Please do not spend too long attempting to make sense of it. You may give yourself a headache

6: Residents - Blue Rosebuds

"Your words are empty hollow bleatings
Of a mental crutch
They're open-festered indigestion
With a velvet touch
An ether-eating Eskimo
Would gag upon your sight
Convulsed into oblivion
From laughter or from fright
A coma with a sweet aroma
Is your only dream
Malignant with the misconception
That a grunt can gleam
Your lichen-covered corpuscles
Are filthy to my fist
Infection is your finest flower
Mildewed in the mist."

Make of that what you will!

So to sum up, there are certainly some great musician/songwriters out there, but even the best of them have their dodgy moments. However I ask you, what would 'Led Zeppelin's' "Stairway to Heaven" have been without its 'Bustles and Hedgerows'. So, the next time you listen to your favorite tune, take time out to examine the lyrics and I expect more times than not you will find yourself saying 'Wha'huh?'.