Of Dating Games and Decision Theories

Imagine waiting in line to a scrumptious buffet table catering delicacies from all over the world. This is not what made it so special though. It's so unusual because you are given one hour to choose one dish, only one meal from the table with which you could have for the rest of the evening. Of course, you'll set out to pick the best of the lot but there's a catch: in choosing you can only try only one meal at a time on your plate. To add to the challenge, not all meals will be available at all times because some dishes might fade away in only a few minutes and others might stay for an instant, staying to exist only when you put it on your plate. Another thing, once you tasted a meal and decide to choose another, you may never get that same dish again.

What would be the best way to solve this problem? One might choose a dish which he is most familiar with then make the pick. Another might go for a dish if it is 'two standard deviations in tastiness' from the first dish he had tasted. Another might continue trying every dish until the hour runs out, settling for the last dish he got for the rest of the evening.

Whatever strategy a person chooses, this is one problem decision theorists call as one of sequential search and optimal stopping, or the ways with which we figure out the best choice given a string of options tried out in turn. The strategies strung out previously are just some that might choose to employ. Of course, each strategy is just as good as its actual result, and frankly, it's very hard to find the best dish given the situation.

At this point we've probably figured out that the "dating game" models the same quandary. If you're the type to exhaust all options then obviously you won't have quality time to spend in the long run. It should have been easy if each succeeding date is better than the previous one because that means the more we spend time searching, the higher the probability we will get the "best one" in the end - but real life plays dice more often than not. We will never be too sure when we're actually letting go of something special. How do we really know when to stop?

It may help if we try to commit and to choose more. We'd have to give it a try first before we can fully be sure what we really feel. If we are juggling so many options at one time (i.e. so many dates) then that means lesser time being spent on each one, lowering the chance of getting to know about each person better. Needless to say, we can't place equal weight on each choice and give equal chances to all. To be able to enjoy an experience further, we have to limit our experience to that one option even only for a time.

The thing is, whether it's about buffets or about love, how can we know if it will work if we don't give it our all?