Of Squirrels and Paint Guns

Is it illegal to shoot squirrels with paint guns? I certainly don't want to kill or maim the little hellions but I have had just about all I can take. I just looked out my window in time to see a squirrel hanging upside down from my newest bird feeder. He was chewing the plastic bird perches off of it so he could have better access to the seed holes!

Instantly, I pictured in my mind the neighborhood squirrels being marked with red paint splotches the size of snowballs all over their furry, little, grey bodies. Sooner or later, somebody would report me.

Probably, it would be the neighbor who purports to love cats but freaks out whenever one of my beloved pets gets into her yard. It's true; my largest cat has a habit of digging his way to China when he has to go #2. But he buries it very efficiently! He has provided countless fertilizer for my own yard.

I think it's just the shock of seeing him dig a bowling ball sized hole, dirt and mulch flying in the air, that gets her in a tizzy. I can keep him out of her yard with some effort, but what about all the other large neighborhood cats? If they start to disappear, I'll rat on her. That will take the heat off me and my paint gun.

Of course, who am I kidding? I'm getting way ahead of myself and worrying for nothing. (A skill I mastered years ago!) This is because, deep down, I know I am a lousy shot. I've gone target shooting with my girlfriend at her family's quarry. Her husband is kind enough to set up targets on the ground for us, about 50 yards or so from where we stand. No matter which one of us shoots, distant tree branches fall.

My girlfriend is much prouder than I am and not willing to use the, "I'm a girl" card. She blames the firearms. The sites are off. The guns aren't calibrated, etc. Me? I pull the, "Did I do that?", and "I'm a girl" cards right out! My ease with this stereotype comes from years of being the teacher's pet. Yes, I sit right up front in church and at any assembly or class I participate in. And I proudly use the "I'm a girl" card whenever I need to without hesitation!

But back to the little, grey hellions. If I aim at the ground under the bird feeder from the farthest corner of my yard, it stands to reason, given my past shooting record, that I might be able to hit a few of them in the tree above. Then again, I have no idea how much a paint gun costs, or even where to buy one. I guess I'd start at Wal-Mart. On a week day, when I should be writing, because I hate crowds and can't deal with weekend shopping-especially at Wal-Mart. So now I am back to my original question. Is it illegal to shoot squirrels with paint guns?