Office Bathroom Horror!

From the annals (or perhaps anals) of my working history comes the tale of the unsinkable Poo. It all happened about 5 years ago at my previous job. This particular day I would be witness to an unsinkable miracle. One of God's little (or should I say large) wonders. It was to be frank, a turd! But no ordinary turd mind you. Goodness me no. No, this one possessed superhuman abilities and unnatural size. As I entered the cubicle to relieve my bowels I couldn't help but see it floating there. Just lying on the surface bobbing like an apple. I attempted to exorcise the offending brownie by a system known as the 'Flush & run' lest it somehow make its way out of the bowl and assault me in some way. A powerfully loud swishing noise emanated from the poopy brine as I ran for safety. These Office toilets are powerful beings in themselves but were in no way a match for the proud poop residing within. I return to view what I expect to be a clean empty toilet bowl. Instead I stand there, transfixed and amazed. From out of the foaming brine comes the indomitable brown villain, majestic and serene it assumes it's noble position in the centre of the toilet.

It just lies there, taunting me. Sure there were other toilets I could use but I had to see if I could flush it. It was a challenge now, one perhaps of biblical proportions. I tried again. My hand resting on the lever, my legs ready to propel me from this poopy hell. I push down hard and fast in a single powerful maneuver. As the powerful churning foam engulfs the hapless doo-doo I again run from the stall lest the offending article be somehow ejected onto my person. Spllllaarrsggshhh! (or words to that effect). A torrent of foamy blue toilet water surrounds the super-excretion, attacking it from all sides in a furious onslaught of toiletry power. I can see it amidst the terrible waves, half-jumping - trying to stay afloat, then it sank again beneath the bubbling waves. A few seconds pass and the waters begin to settle. I re-enter the cubicle, confident that this time.... this time surely the poop has met it match. But no, there it lay, gently drifting in a sea of tranquility, bouncing delicately against the bowls sides.

I salute the obstinate poop and make my way to the next cubicle to do my business. Exactly who or what left this unnaturally empowered deposit became a subject of much discussion that day. Word quickly spread in my office of the intransigent faeces. Heads shook from side to side in disbelief at its resolve. It was left to the poor cleaning personnel to deal with the immaculate fecal matter. Unfortunately for me though it left a deep psychological wound and I doubt I will ever truly recover.