Office Spouses

Relationships are more and more challenging as our society and the demands on us increase. It has occurred to me recently that I have a solution to the frustrations and challenges on the job. Initially this may seem to be a conflict of interest or some other problem, but I have carefully analyzed and organized this idea.

For the sake of your emotional sanity and professional competence, it may be a good idea to identify and finalize a relationship that I will define as an office spouse. Husbands will typically have an office wife and a wife will designate an office husband. Please understand from the top - these relationships will in no way supersede or invalidate our personal marriages. But when you are persecuted by a client, declined for a job advancement or get up to your neck in bureaucratic garbage, it's so comforting to have an office spouse with whom to commiserate.

Here's how it works: in general, the larger the office, organization, workplace, factory, the better. That way you have a bigger spouse selection from which to choose. The next component is trust. This is where having a member of the opposite gender is most useful. Women are often more likely to sabotage, usurp, undermine or overrule women while men are going to be more competitive or less sympathetic to a man than a woman. One might easily make a case for men (in terrible generalizations) being less prone toward compassion and sympathy than women and to an extent, my experience would suggest that this is true. But there are exceptions and my feeling is that if you can trust the other party, the balance follows easily.

A number of possibilities must be carefully considered. For one, when one of you leaves the company, is there a divorce required? Most likely, yes. Obviously, there are no legalities required due to the lack of contracts. My research suggests that most of these relationships end when one party leaves for whatever reason. Somehow the rationale behind the "marriage" is invalid when you're not working in the same locale. It is true that we often develop lasting connections from those whom we meet at work, but most of these end when the employment picture is modified.

The second prerequisite is consent from the true spouses, expressed or implicit. It should be obvious that we don't want to refer to our office spouses as spouses to our husbands and wives, but it is always a good idea for peace and harmony at home that we disclose the presence of a kindred, compassionate colleague who is a legitimate source of opinion and compassion. This entire process is enhanced and enabled by the understanding from the respective (real) spouses that the relationship is defined by and confined to the work space and that it in no way conflicts with or jeopardizes the true marriage. It is simple to imagine what happens when this implicit understanding does not exist. Jealousy can erupt, in addition to the inability to discuss anything whatsoever about work while you're at home, for fear of mentioning one who is not to be mentioned.

My final caution in this extremely beneficial and gratifying relationship - don't confuse your relationships. Don't talk about the office husband to the real one and don't talk to the real wife about the office one. I've worked in office environments for many years and have always subscribed to the idea of keeping my private life private. This pseudo-marriage process does not negate that position. Along the same lines, it's probably not productive or beneficial to extrapolate at length while at home about your office partner. Those situations are better left separate.

In many ways, this is the ideal "marriage." No bills to manage, no children to discipline, no lawns to mow or dirty clothes left on the floor. The conventional stresses of in-home marriage are absent as are the consequences of seeing each other first thing in the morning. In essence, we delete any of the frustrations of marital bliss and leave only the most significant forms of communication. Be advised that those who don't participate in this paradigm are going to think evil thoughts about what is going on between the office spouses. As long as there is no reason for suspicion, the rumors and innuendos are meaningless. Just be certain that management doesn't become suspicious or accusative.

I consider myself fortunate to have an office spouse who is intelligent, supportive and eternally filled with good ideas. One might easily make a case for the fact that these are characteristics that typify any good friendship and so it is in this case. But the office husband is more reliable than a single male or female friend, just as an office wife is never a sports buddy or someone who may be eyeing your job. The best part to me is that if you make the correct initial choice, the trust and interaction will be obvious and beneficial to both participants and the rewards will be immeasurable.