Oh Baby, the Nightmare Continues!

We were married December 29th, 1973. We each came from a family of five children, so initially, we thought that when the time came and we were ready, we could have a baby. After the first year of marriage we started getting the usual questions, "What no baby yet?" And the usual comments from the in -laws about being grandparents.

When 1976, rolled around and still there was no sign of a baby, we became a little concerned. We had not used protection since 1974, and figured that if it happened, we would deal with it. First I went for a check up and the doctor's said I had cysts on my ovaries and they did an exploratory surgery to find out just how bad they were. After the surgery the surgeon told us that they had to remove part of my left ovary, but that there was still a good chance we would have children.That the surgery was successful and to go make a baby.

Now it's 1979, and still no sign of a baby. So I go again and to a OBGYN that specializes in fertility. We try Clomid and various other drugs, I did the charts that record temperatures to tell you when you are ovulating and anything else they came up with. Sex was no longer fun at this point, because every time all we could think about was that baby. And we used to laugh and say, "Is it time for that again?" And lets not forget all the wonderful advice from our Parents and friends! Things like," when your done, stand on your head for a few minutes". One day he even brought home from work a bottle of vodka and a jar of wheat germ that someone had left at his locker. The note said for me to drink the vodka and he should eat the wheat germ!

Now in so much as the fact that every time we didn't achieve success, we cried, felt miserable, just could not understand the problem, these gestures just added to the frustration. By 1981, we were just so tired of it we gave up for awhile. We bought a house and were really to busy to think about it. But again the family and friends. These comments went like this. "New house, new baby you guys" "You can break in one room at a time' and think of all the fun you'll have making that baby here." My husband and I just tossed each other a look that sad "oh brother". And went about the moving in. My mother had passed away the year before and all I could think was that she would not be here when that special day happened.

In 1982, we were pretty well settled in the new house and still no sign of a baby. So, after I went yet again to the Doctor, he suggested that perhaps it wasn't me and that maybe my husband should be checked out. He was reluctant, but went anyway. We found that he had a very low sperm count due to a vein that was over the prostrate, but could be remedied with minor surgery. So he had it done.

1983, still no baby. I had been laid off due to a plant closing and he had just taken a pay cut. So at this point we were happy that we didn't have children to think about. I had completely given up on the thought of having children and decided to save some money for a vacation to Hawaii, Even if it meant I would have to go alone, I was determined that I was going. (Hubby was never one for travel.) But in December, over the Holidays, I just did not feel well and had scheduled an appointment, the doctor sent me up for yet another sonogram. As I lay on the table and felt the ball roll over my stomach and abdomen, I leaned up and asked if I could watch the screen, Curious as to what they saw. They turned the monitor toward me to see, and he kept going over one area in particular, so I asked why and he just kind of shrugged his shoulders and said, "have you been trying to get pregnant"? I laughed and said "only for about ten years, why?" he said, "normally we do not say anything, but from what I see here, This is a baby" And he showed me where it was and i just couldn't stop crying. After the test I went home and waited for him to come in the door, fixed us a cup of coffee and chatted about his day.Finally he said to me,"well how did the test go?" Whats wrong? I replied "Nothing, The test went very well, Daddy" He literally dropped his cup of coffee and grabbed me and we danced around the living room in a swirl of laughs and cries of joy. We had a beautiful little girl on Labor day 1984. She was early but just the same very healthy and happy. All the years of misery and self doubt vanished when I held that sweet bundle in my arms. All the tribulations seemed liked nothing at this point, and we had no regrets of all we had gone through. She was our little miracle baby. I tease her to this day about how I almost named her "Hawaii".

So if your having trouble, both should be checked out, it saves alot of grief, and as for the people who give out such comments during a difficult time, Think before you speak, those words do more damage than good, People in this situation need support, understanding and friendship, not crude off color remarks and gestures.