Oh, Carl

How did you live with that kid next door?
The one with the suspenders
And the glasses
And the whiny voice?

You were a cop, Carl
And a pretty damn good one
After all, according to wikipedia
Your favorite food was "doughnuts"

But there was nothing "doughnut" about you, Carl
When all the other fictional cops in the city
Were taking bribes
There was noble Carl

I know you shot a kid in a previous life
And you redeemed yourself by gunning down
The fallen German terrorist from The Money Pit
But you never laid a finger upon that Urkel asshole

Noble Carl,
Sitting at the right hand of Miller-Boyett,
You are the most honest fictional policeman I know
And it has been a pleasure knowing you.