Oh My Gosh, Where Did My Child Get that Mouth?

I have been amazed at what can come out of my kids' mouths. We try our best not to swear or talk disrespectfully to each other or anyone else but kids can pick up on the slightest misstep. When they do pick up on these we have to correct the problem immediately but sometimes that isn't enough. Sometimes, it takes a little investigation to find the root of the potty mouth or sassiness and once you can pinpoint the cause then you can work on reversing the problem. Whether you have problems with your child swearing, whining, or talking back, these strategies will help correct these problems.

Watch Your Mouth

How do you talk to people? How do you talk to your kids? If you bark orders all day long (and what mom hasn't done this at times?) then your kids will automatically assume that's the proper way to interact with people. If cuss words flow out of your mouth as common adjectives then your kids will do the same at the most inappropriate times.

I have a tendency to yell when I don't get a reaction after the first request for them to do their homework or clean their room. I have to consciously stop myself, make my request clear and polite, and explain to them what will happen if they do not complete my request (read: threaten). Most of the time, this works and sometimes I have to resort to yelling again.

Soap for Family and Friends

Next, look at who your kids spend time with and how they talk and interact with people. When my son was three he dropped something and followed it up with an, "Oh, s@#t". We were at grandma's house and we looked at each other. I know my mom, the phrase came from her and I told her so. She denied it. Two days later she called me to apologize. She had just dropped something in the kitchen and automatically uttered the same epithet.

I have taken to publicly correcting adults on their mouths if they are around kids. If they are mean or disrespectful, I will correct them. If they curse, I will correct them. This problem mainly occurs in my family and normally it's followed up by an, "I'm sorry." It only takes a few times and people will change the way they talk, at least around you.

Make Your Expectations Clear

My youngest son is one to try out any new phrase or word he hears in a movie or from someone else. He uses these words appropriately but he needed to realize that these words were not appropriate to use. In order to curb his unintentional swearing we implemented a rule that he is not allowed to say any word that he doesn't know the meaning of. He has to ask us first before he can use that word. This has worked and he has asked (it's amazing what they hear on the school bus). At least he tells us and we can inform him that he's not allowed to say that word.

If you are having problems with whining or backtalk then stop the conversation immediately. Tell your child to try again without being mean or whining. My son will use sassy phrases that are disrespectful and when I point that fact out to him he seems surprised. I tell him not to say it again and he does remove it from his vocabulary. I have learned that he needs very specific rules, once he knows it, he discontinues the behavior.

Punishment for Repeat Offenders

Talk to your kids before you punish. If they know your expectations and are normally good then try to find out why they aren't acting the way you expect. Did they have a bad day at school? Are they overly tired? Sometimes a little one-on-one conversation is all that's needed to correct the problem.

When talking doesn't work I resort to threatening. I'm a grounding mom. I threaten grounding and have to follow through with it at times. You need to find what punishment your kids will react to and follow through with repeat offenders.

Praise

This category shouldn't be so much about 'praise' but more everyday rewards for civilized behavior. If your kid can talk respectfully then he will get respect back. If he says 'please' then he will get a 'thank you' in return. I noticed my kids love to hear, "He is so polite" gushing out of other people's mouths (friends' parents, teachers, etc.) more than any praise I can give them.

The best advice is to be respectful yourself. Children learn by example and if they have the foundation then you can correct most problems from the outside with a simple conversation about what is expected of them.