Oh, No! Please Tell Me It's Not Another Fundraiser

If you want to make a parent groan, all you have to do is say one word - fundraiser.

When I was a kid I used to like fundraisers. The ones we had all had target levels. If you sold so many boxes of candy, you qualified for a Type-A prize, so many more and you reached Type-B and so on. I would pick out the prize I wanted to qualify for and look to sell that many items.

But it was me doing the selling. I was the one who canvassed the neighborhood, knocking on doors of people I knew and did not know. The best was my kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Cunningham. If she answered the door, it was a guaranteed sale, regardless of how many kids had come to her house earlier in the day, week or month.

However, if Mr. Cunningham answered, there was not a snowball's chance of a sale.

Fundraisers these days are different. The kids just hand over the materials to the adults and expect them to do it for them. And it's just as well, because most parents wouldn't let their kids go knock on a stranger's door, anyway.

It's just that everyone, not just the schools, do fundraisers now and it's hard not to be disgusted when the materials show up, much less get excited about one. And the other thing is the amount of money these fundraisers require for a minimum purchase is outlandish.

I can remember having $1 items for people to buy. Now I know full well that you can't get anything for $1 anymore, but would it kill them to offer something for $5 so you could support the multiple fundraisers that come your way without having to take a second loan out on the house? It has gotten to the point where I feel blessed if there's a $10 item to purchase in one of these scams.

Another annoying thing is wondering how much of the sale actually goes to the actual entity you're supporting, whether that's a school, church group or civic organization. I am sure everyone remembers the backlash when it was reported how little the Girl Scouts received from their famous cookie sales. Even today, the Girl Scouts keep less than 20% of the sales.

Wouldn't it be nice if I could just write a check to the organization and not have to hit up people I know and like for over-priced goods and then wonder if they are getting shafted worse than the Girl Scouts on take-home percentage?

I want to do my part. I want to help but I don't want to be taken advantage of in the process. Is it too much to ask to know the percentages up front? Because really, I don't need any more mugs or calendars or cookie dough or whatever else is this year's hot selling item.

After all these years, I finally understand Mr. Cunningham. Not only do I understand him, I've become him.

My brother-in-law's wife hits us up all the time for fundraisers. The kid is eight years old and has fundraisers for school, scouts, sports teams, church and probably two or three more that I'm leaving out. My wife, kind-hearted person that she is, always says yes. I, on the other hand, have no trouble uttering the word - no.

The other day there's a knock on the door from Tracy, who's come by to collect money from the latest fundraiser for which my better half has already agreed. Of course, Michelle is not around so I get to pay for it. I fork over $20 and in return get two tickets for an upcoming dinner. Great, it's not even a box of cookies that I can crack open before Michelle comes home.

The dinner was last night and you know what - it was good! The church contracted with Carrabba's for the meal. Our small town does not have a Carrabba's so this was a nice change of pace. It was a lot of food for the money, which makes me think the church didn't do much better than the Girl Scouts on the take-home percentage.

But you know what? I don't care. I finally got something of value for a fundraiser that I got roped into and I'm just going to enjoy the moment.

However, it's not going to change my overall view on fundraisers. The only thing that could do that would be if some kid I didn't know knocked on my door wearing their Girl Scout or Cub Scout uniform, with the cookies already in their hands. And as I hand over the cash and unwrap that package of S'mores, their parents inform me that 50% of the sale goes to support Scouts.