O.J. Simpson and His Three Stooges

As ridiculously cartoonish as O.J. Simpson's latest brush with the law may be I can't help but be even more amazed by his three misguided accomplices. A trio of guys who thought that they'd hitch a ride on O.J.'s shining, or should that be falling star. Oceans 14 this certainly wasn't. More like the three stooges in their preparation, execution and eventual ineffectualness. I find it hard to imagine the conversation these guys must have had in order to talk themselves into making this ill-advised choice of a lifetime. But they did, managing to convince themselves that this pathetic caper was a golden ticket to the good times.

So for arguments sake let's take a line out of Mr. T's book and call these three geniuses Fool 1, Fool 2 & Fool 3. Perhaps the conversation went something like this:

Location: Seedy Bar in the heart of Las Vegas
Fool 1 'Did you see O.J. today?'
Fool 2 & 3 'No!.........Why?'
Fool 1 'He told me yesterday that he had a great idea about how we could make some fast money'
Fool 2 & 3 'Yeah?
Fool 1 'Yeah' he affirms, nodding his head approvingly
A loud commotion is heard at the bars main entrance. O.J. enters the bar, smiling and high-fiving the patrons. He even signs a couple of beer-mats (in trade for a few fivers of course) and makes his way towards his new best friends.
'O.J.': 'Hi Boys!'
'Yo' O.J.' they shout in full view of the packed bar
'O.J.': Smiling inanely (It's his only smile, but he's very good at it) he pats the fools affectionately on their respective backs. Getting seated he turns to face the 2nd and 3rd Fools 'Did Fool 1 tell you I had a great plan for some quick cash?'
Fool 2 replies 'Uh-huh', his eyes glazed and yellowy, he sniffs sadly.
Fool 3 chimes in 'So what's your idea' he asks before returning his index finger to the warmth of his left nostril to dig out one last crusty morsel of snot.
'O.J.': 'You know that crappy little sports memorabilia store you guys went to the other day?'
Fool 3 responds 'Sure' followed by a nervous cough causing O.J. to roll his eyes
O.J. looks intensely around the packed room, turns to his entourage and in a hushed tone speaks these prophetic words....... 'Well, they've got a bunch of my old crap and I want it back!'
Fool 2: 'What like the Heisman trophy?' an innocent but hopeful look crossing his face.
O.J.: 'No, not that. No, they have some old signed photos and footballs of mine.
Fool 1 & 3: 'Yeeeeeeeaaaaahhhhh'
O.J.: 'Yeah', smiling his dopey smile again. He knows he's got them hooked.

The fools are unfortunately star-struck but then Fool No. 1's brow furrows a little.
Synapses are firing there last ditch salvo's of logic, desperately trying to spark the last vestiges of intelligence that reside somewhere deep at the back of his beleaguered brain.
Fool 2 senses Fool 1's concern adding 'Are they really worth all that much??'
O.J.: 'Hey, listen you motherF****r, I don't need this shit from you. Just shut up and listen'

With that O.J. presents his dramatically uninspired plan to steal some old crap that most sports fans are having trouble giving away at Sports Memorabilia swap-meets. They decide it's a fool-proof plan but being fools themselves theirs is a somewhat flawed thought-process. How could they not succeed? The most recognizable person in the country stealing his OWN stuff without any regard for possible video or audio security tapes. How on earth could this go wrong? Unfortunately earth and O.J.'s fantasy-land have become somewhat confused lately in O.J.'s mind. A land where you can do say and act anyway you want and get away with it. Unfortunately when fantasy meets reality, reality has the tendency of kicking fantasy's ass and in one of the most bizarrely stupid criminal acts of the last decade it's time for fantasies comeuppance.

I pity the fool!