Older Woman, Younger Man? Watch Out! He'll Dump You

So you're going out with, sleeping with or married to a younger man. Or thinking of going out with, sleeping with or marrying a younger man. "Should I get involved?" you ask yourself. "Is it worth it? Will he stick around?"

The short answer is no, he won't.

I have to declare my experience here, before we go any further.

I was the partner of a younger man for twenty years. For twenty wonderful years, Ex and I had a terrific time, travelled the world together, laughed a lot together, bought homes together, moved to the south of France together, pursued interests together, made a great life together.

Then I hit 50 and he ran away.

Precisely 50.

It was like a "Your time is up" call and he turned and rowed his little boat away. WIth a younger woman in tow. (Naturally!)

Now. I'm not bitter. Far from it. I can see the funny side of, well, almost anything apart from cruelty to animals and humans. I see that a 50-year-old woman with a handsome 40-year-old male partner is a stand-up comedian's joke waiting to happen. That's fine. I can have a laugh about it and "move on".

But you - you're at the outset of the older woman younger man equation and you have questions.

So here are some answers as you calculate the odds of a relationship succeeding with a younger man.

First up is the courting phase. This is usually fine. Young men experience quite a thrill in seducing or being seduced by an older woman. We're talking about, say, a 24 year old boy/man seduced by a 30-something woman here.

"Wow!" his pals say. "That's, like, too cool. She must be way more expereinced than all the young chicks we know?"

Younger Man shrugs enigmatically like Marlon Brando and says very little. Saying very little speaks volumes. Older Woman is clearly really hot!

The initial phase of the older woman younger man relationship goes well. He has a certain power because he's, you know, male. And she has a certain power because she's older and more experienced. The sex is great. And the relationship creates lots of comment, which gives it a bit of a boost.

Then you settle into coupledom and for a time, maybe quite a long time, the relationship is much like any other. If you're lucky enough to look fairly young - maybe you're slim as well - then people may not notice the age gap between you and your younger man. The younger man himself may not notice it.

Or - he may seem not to notice it. But be assured that that age gap - which seemed so utterly immaterial when you started dating - is lurking beneath the surface of your relationship and growing slowly more toxic.

After a time, you may notice that Younger Man is making quite a fuss of younger female friends. Nothing serious - you just note it, that's all.

Then you start to look in the mirror and wonder if you really look as young as you think you do. And then you realise that while he still seems like a kid, you're getting near to 40. Or 45. The menopause is around the corner.

Let me rephrase that. THE MENOPAUSE IS ROUND THE CORNER.

(You heard me, right?)

Nothing scares Younger Man more than the thought that he'll find himself with a menopausal woman. He doesn't really know what it means but he instinctively associates the term with No Sex, No Babies, No Status For Him and No Fun.

He's absolutely right about No Babies of course and that turns out to be a much bigger deal than he thought it was at 24. Then, he thought babies were a drag. Now, terms like "genetic death" and "I want kids one day" will pop into his head.

You were once the object of his dreams. Suddenly you're an obstacle to them.

It's at this point that - just as you're plucking stray grey heairs from your head and spending time at the hairdresser to get highlights - that Younger Man meets Younger Woman.

Younger Woman is sexy. She's tall and slim - like you, maybe - but Young. Get it?! She's sexy and fertile and about one million miles away from the menopause. And Younger Man wants her. Yes, your Younger Man. The attraction is obvious. But even apart from her young hair, her young skin, her young hands and her young lips, she's different from you.

You, perhaps, tell him to put the rubbish out. She asks him breathlessly: "What do we do with the rubbish honey? Where does it all go?"

You get up in the morning and dash off to the airport to get your business flight. She lies in bed with hair sweetly tousled and asks him "Shall I eat breakfast...or you?..."

When he was young, you made him feel mature. Now that he's nearing 40, she makes him feel young. For a middle-aged man, that's a priceless gift.

Don't try to hang onto him with the offer of a baby either. With an older woman, having a baby means gruelling fertility treatment, tension and disappointment even if eventually a child is produced. With Younger Woman, having a baby is all about getting pregnant naturally and getting pregnant naturally means lots of sex and his mates saying "Way to go" when he tells them his new girlfriend is pregnant.

How many examples do we see of Older Woman Younger Man? Go on. Count them! There was Madonna and her ludicrous "relationship" with the 20-something boy called Jesus. Apart from that (long since ended) there's, er, Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher. Anyone think of any others? No. And I can tell you that Kutcher will be off before very long. I'll take bets on it. He's stuck with Demi through her enhanced and lovely middle age but when the going gets tough, Ashton will go. There's more chance frankly that he'll grow old with one of Demi's daughters than with Demi. That's the hard fact of the matter.

So if you're tempted by a Younger Man and see yourself as a vampy Older Woman, think again. You can't beat biology and that's that.

If you're already married to a Younger Man.....oops - sorry to hear that. But you've still got time. Time to cut and run!