On Being a Foster Parent

I have been a foster parent off and on in my adult life to more than 50 children. In the beginning, 20 years ago in Oklahoma, foster parents weren't allowed to adopt, and adoptive parents weren't allowed to foster. All this has changed, very much for the better, in fact, now foster parents are actually the first people considered when a child has become free for adoption. Our family has adopted two of our foster children, and will adopt our third hopefully by the end of the year.

Foster parenting is usually very interesting to people, and they will often ask me questions at any kind of gathering we are at. I love to talk about it, and probably give much more information than people are looking for! I am a Christian, and am usually around other Christian people, and often, their viewpoint will kind of surprise me.

I became a foster parent for two reasons. The first is that I love children, and I dearly love being a mother. To me, there is almost nothing more satisfying on earth, than caring for a little child. I also enjoy mentoring the parents of my foster children - most of the time. I have had to deal with some real dozzies, but it only makes life more interesting.

My second reason for fostering is my Christian faith. James 1:27 in the Bible tells us that "Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, to visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world."

Now that is the King James Version of this scripture, and many of the people I associate with are what some people call KJV onlyers, they will only read that one version, and think everything else is defiled.

I am of a different mind, and I believe that reading ONLY that one translation, with its old English, can sometimes give you a misguided view of what is really being said.

I have had people tell me that it's not necessary to actually take in children or widows, that the Bible only tells us to 'visit' them. I am amazed that anyone would think that is all that is required in this verse. Looking up this word 'visit' in the concordance would help with the understanding of this verse. According to the Strong's concordance, the word 'visit' there means:

To look upon or after, to inspect, examine with the eyes

a) in order to see how he is, i.e. to visit, go to see one

1) the poor and afflicted, the sick

b) to look upon in order to help or to benefit

1) to look after, have care for, provide for: of God

c) to look (about) for, look out (one to choose, employ, etc.)

When I think about only 'visiting' the widows and orphans, I am reminded of this verse, also in 1 John 3:

"We also ought to give up our lives for our brothers and sister. If someone has enough money to live well, and sees a brother or sister in need, but shows no compassion - how can God's love be in that person? Dear children, let's not merely say that we love each other, let us show the truth by our actions, Our actions will show that we belong to the truth, so we will be confident when we stand before God."

Another interesting thing that I have heard before, and in fact someone said to me only yesterday, is that they don't know if this is something we should be doing, because after all, most of these children have parents, they are not really orphans, or fatherless. My heart broke, when I thought of the children who have come through my home, whose paternity has never even been established because the mom had several boyfriends, children whose fathers have run rather than care for them, children whose fathers drug abuse render them incapable of doing much of anything at all, including bonding with their children or caring for their needs. The eyes of many of these hurting children still remain in my mind. I cannot imagine turning them away and refusing to care for them, because they are technically not orphans or fatherless. So today, I looked up fatherless in the Strong's, also:

1) bereft (of a father, of parents)

a) of those bereft of a teacher, guide, guardian

b) orphaned

Dictionary.com defines the word bereft as:

1. a pt. and pp. of bereave

-adjective

2. deprived: they are bereft of their senses, he is bereft of all happiness.

So in my opinion, a fatherless child is bereft or deprived of a father, whether because of death, drugs, or abandonment, he is still fatherless.

Foster care is an amazing thing to do. Helping God to make a difference in a persons life, no matter how you do it, or what the age, old, young or in-between, is what He has left us here on earth for after we are saved.

To make it personal, I remember a two year old Indian boy, who was a 'chicken buster'. Another little boy who came to our home straight from the hospital, and who broke my heart so thoroughly when he had to leave, that I began to have children of my own again, and the Lord gave me four sons by birth, and soon to be two by adoption to take his place, plus a bonus daughter by birth and a daughter by adoption. I remember a beautiful Hispanic baby whose eyes captivated everyone who saw her. Another toddler with an eye patch, that soaked with her tears as she cried for her mother. And my sweet MiMi, who left this year to go live with relatives in another state, and whose leaving broke my heart that still hasn't healed.

And of course, my son Luke, who was actually my oldest daughter's foster child, and Angel-Leah, my blond haired, blue eyed, very verbal daughter, who fits right in with our loud family. We hope by the end of this year, her baby brother, who is our foster son right now, will join our family forever, and bring our total of children to 10.

Our foster son's adoption will close our home to fostering for the state for three years, until our almost 15 year old son turns 18. But we would still be open to taking in any child the Lord leads to our house.

In closing, I like to leave you with another verse to ponder:

Micah 6:8

"What doth the Lord require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God?"